Friday, February 3, 2012

Facebook and Twitter Etiquette for Bootleg Adults - Bama Shit

Ayo! It's your boy The Hedonist back in full-effect but in a hurry at present. I just had to drop this revised version of my much beloved Facebook and Twitter Etiquette for Bootleg Adults, because either some of you Negroes need a refresher or simply don't know.

I'm so sick of all the PERSONAL DRAMA, FUCKERY, RIGMAROLE, and CRIES FOR ATTENTION I hear on Facebook AND Twitter -- I'm sicker than Ne-Yo is sick of love songs. I am also sick of ignorant folk talking reckless from behind a laptop, PUBLIC LIBRARY COMPUTER, or Blackberry/iPhone in someone's comment box.

As this is a working document and has been amended several times the newer etiquette rules are closer to the bottom. Enjoy! 

1.When someone changes their Facebook relationship status do not post questions or comments on their wall.

2.Do not use your status message to have a passive aggressive argument with someone or to take a very immature side shot at someone. (I have encountered this problem and it's annoying as people think it's a clever thing to do, while in reality they end up looking silly and childish)

Helpful Tip: If you believe you are the recipient of status message shit-talk here's what you can do: In your main timeline, where the friend or relative's post is listed. Go to the upper right-hand corner and click on the "X" and you can hide their postings in your time-line. This way their immaturity, bad karma, and negative energy doesn't permeate your positive flow, and they are none the wiser. I've done this to several people and believe me it makes Facebook a MUCH better place for me. Because, at the end of the day, who cares about our petty squabbles with friends and "relatives"? Facebook is supposed to be a positive place of networking and reunion's.

3.If you don’t like someone on your buddy list for whatever reason, delete them and block them if necessary.

This also something that bugs me, FBF... if you don't like me or vice versa DELETE ME! Don't silently check my notes, relationship status, and daily posts you loser. YOU HAVE THAT MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS? Go to UMUC or Phoenix Online and get some business to attend to, loser. Facebook isn't going anywhere, but the folks pages that you are silently checking are being productive and doing things with their lives while you sit and watch.

4.Do not add people you don’t trust to your Facebook if your activity on Facebook is very private in nature.

5.Be careful with adding job networks and adding your actual company when you are one of those people with thousands of friends that you do not know.

6.If you are at or are going to a private function, do not announce it or the details of the function on Facebook if you wouldn’t want someone to coincidentally show up at said function.

7.Be mindful of posting about how much you love someone, some people on your friends list could be miserable or haters.

8.Do not continuously invite people to join your page if they have rejected the request.

9.Use the Hide feature to hide any status messages that are particularly obnoxious.

See Above - #2

10.Do not lie about your relationship status and be as transparent as possible with your page. If you are having to hide this or that from particular people, rethink your transparency and/or if that person should be on your list.

11.If you post foolishness on someone's page, don't take it personally when they delete it.

12. If you comment on someone else's post KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT! There may be a PRIVATE JOKE or something going on that you are not privy too.

12b. DO NOT comment with crass or off-colored language on ANOTHER PERSON'S POST. It's immature and classless (is that a word?), and I will delete any "friend" who does it from here on in.

13. If you are gonna STEAL someone's status message/witty saying pls. note your source. Better yet, ASK FIRST before you go posting someone elses stuff. I have this problem quite often on FB and Twitter.

14. Once again, FACEBOOK IS NOT eHARMONY, MATCH.COM, OR BLACKPEOPLEMEET! Don't peruse your friend's pages for perspective dates and booty calls, that's tacky and shows that you have NO GAME!

15. If you have a heavy discussion or something important to tell a friend or relative INBOX them or have a code word. Do not post personal things on your friend's page for the world to see. Two of my sisters and I use this message method quite often.

16. If you're someone's mother, do not post pictures of you in your bra, panties, bra and panties, or being semi-nude on Twitter.

17. Fights on Twitter over men and women you've never met in-person are so Junior High School.

18. I can't stress this enough. Keep your personal issues with family, friends, and fuck buddies private. #notagoodlook  e.g.  Just because I didn't make it to your party is no one's business. It looks petty and childish trying to air-out a person in that manner -- especially if you're 40 and above.

19. Just because you see someone online (FB, Yahoo, Gtalk) doesn't mean they are available or want to talk to YOU. So don't be offended when your IM's are being ignored because you randomly decided to IM the person.

20. Be cautious when tagging people in PICTURES. In the case of vintage pictures, the person's past may be painful, or they may be ashamed of who they were. As far as outings (lounges, parties, gatherings), baby girl or dude may be creeping, running from child support, or somewhere they shouldn't be with someone they should NOT be with ... doing something that they should be doing! 

21.Stop Page Hustling! Just because two people are friendly and have pets names does not mean they are fucking, dating, or watching porn together. Mind your business. Get some business of your own. <~~ THIS IS CALLED "TREE-BOXING"

22. Please refrain from "jumping out the window" and commenting on things that you know nothing of. This can get you one of three things: 1) Your feelings hurt. 2) You physically harmed. or 3) BOTH! This is a very important rule because it saves you from a lot of hard-feelings between friends and family, and it may quite possibly save you from an ass-whipping proceeded by a good cursing-out. You see, you never know WHAT a person is going through and HOW they are going through it. What someone posts in their status box may one-eighth of the truth, you jump out the window with a reckless comment, and the people involved take your comment personally. Defend/support your girl-friends or guy-friends in private. As we say there in D.C. "That's some bama shit!" 

23. Do NOT post status messages that seek to garner sympathy or an opinion you want to hear. Simply put, once you do this not only do you look needy, if it isn't a complete story, you're "crying wolf". In addition, #22 can happen to your commentators.  As we say there in D.C. "That's some bama shit!"

24. No one really cares about your love-life, dates, break-ups, or prospective boyfriends. You look as if you need validation or your ego stroked. I see this quite often on Twitter. Look, you're an adult ... YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE ABLE TO GET A DATE AND/OR A BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND!!! Right? As we say there in D.C. "That's some bama shit!"

25. This goes to significant others: You don't have to always make yourself known, okay? If a girl comments on something your guy says you don't have to piggyback the girl's comment just to make yourself known. Really ... you don't! As we say there in D.C. "That's some bama shit!"

Okay, there you have it, gang ... the revised list for the winter months. Once again, this is a working document, so feel free to submit any add-ons whenever you feel. Oh, by the way, my NEXT BLOG will be on loose-lips and sinking ships. It's amazing how some of you can't keep your mouths shut and tell all of your business. Well, mark my words ... I'm gonna have fun with this one. Cheating wives with infant daughters, lame baby daddies, Baltimore hotel rooms, and morning after pills. AND I'M NAMING NAMES! Owwwwwwwwww!

Well, I gotta blast-off now as I have a long day ahead of me, peeps. I hope all is well with friends, family, love, health, and money! <3 ;O)  God Bless and God Speed!

Your Old Pal,

The Hedonist