You see, this below is the type of hard-headed fuckery that makes me think I’m wasting my time with this whole advice column shit. Read on.
I went to an online Christian dating service, and one of the men (who went to my church) contacted me, and we e-mailed back and forth for a bit. He was the first white guy I’ve dated. As you may want to know I’m black (you see me at Bar Louie’s and Matchbox on occasion). I got an E-mail request to text him and meet him at one of the local U. Street dives to listen to a band play. He told me he was a musician with a Jazz-type band, so I knew we had the love of music in common. I got there, and he had been drinking a bit, but I didn’t realize how much.
I found him very attractive, and I felt extremely lonely. My only daughter left that day, as she was accepted to a school in another state, and I felt very alone. He decided that he wanted to come back to my apartment. We had a nice time talking; he said some inappropriate things about his libido, but I over looked them. He then said he wanted to kiss me. We ended up in my bedroom.
Afterward, he appeared a bit cold and left. I never heard from him, so I texted him a message and he replied back to me that he was really embarrassed about what had happened, that it wasn’t like him to do something like that, and he blamed the alcohol. Although, he was able to drive home that night - go figure. He’s a P.G. County Police Officer, so be careful on the road, ladies. He told me never to mention what happened to anyone, and that he was moving on and really didn’t want to have anything to do with me again.
I was just sick, and my spirit was ripped to shreds. I only hope this person does not repeat his behavior again with any other vulnerable women. I warned him not to hurt anyone or bring his messes into the lives of innocent women. I still feel like a piece of garbage, small, vulnerable, and distraught. It just feels so horrible being used, and I am working on getting rid of the baggage from this situation. Your opinions/advice about moving on would be very welcomed, Handsome.
Two things, Nita:
1) My name is spelled with the letter "K", my dear ... get it straight.
2)Are you some sort of stalker? How do you know my drinking spots, NAME, and how to find my blog? It's very unlikely -- given the fact that you're not my usual curvy, brunette, blue-eyed "type"-- but did I get drunk and fuck you too?
Nevertheless, I have to say I'm very, very disappointed in you, Nita, as it's quite safe to assume you read my blog regularly. This means that you have access to all this fucking good game that I give away and jewels I drop 24 by 7. *sighing* You should know better, Love, but if you want me to lay it out here goes.
I have several issues with your entire thought process beginning with the "Christian Dating Service" thing. What would make you think a Jesus Match.com wouldn't have dogs, players, and pimps running a muck on said site? Negroes that go to church love pussy too, and some of them like brown-eye (mostly the pastors with the muscle-shirts and finger waves). There's no doubt in my mind that 80 percent of your male congregation are single and they get their helmets polished-off just as much (or maybe more) than that cat playing golf while you're in church on Sunday and Weds. evenings. Are you hurt more so knowing you found a playa-pimp on your respected JesusMatch.com? What's Moses does thorough background checks on these cats and mails a money back guarantee and Starbucks Gift Cards to everyone? Look, honey, I know guys that patrol sites like those looking for gullible, easy young ladies like you. The name of the site means nothing, Nita, remember that. Think about it. Big white girls sign-up for bigwhitegirls.com (read: Plenty of Fish) because they feel they're gonna be more "accepted" and stand a better chance of getting a date on bigwhitegirls.com (Plenty of Fish). And slick-talking Negroes are quite abreast of this fact, so they stand post almost religiously, on said sites, seeking good chubby pussy and riches. No bullshit.
|She needs love too!|
Next, I would like address the fact that you pointed out this cat was white. What does his color have to do with any of this fuckery? Doctors come in all colors and sizes, so do P.G. Cops, pedophiles, strippers, priest(pedophiles), engineers, and pimps. Now lemme get this shit straight: You met a white boy, from your church, on JesusMatch.com and somehow thought he would treat you better because he's white, knows the Ten Commandments, and has an incredible Miles Davis vinyl collection? Nita, really?
So, you go into this bar (probably Chi-Cha Lounge) to listen to some jazz with this Christian white boy and he's ALREADY fucked-up. Instead of telling him your standards scream to you that it's inappropriate for him to be lit-up before you even get there, you sit down WITH him and get smashed too! SMFH. Now this snowballs into a request to go to your crib and do what, Nita? FUCK that's what ... Old Boy wanted to fuck. Fun Fact: When a girl and guy meet at a bar to get smashed and the idea is tabled to head back to her crib, Nita, 99.9 percent of the time dude is gonna get some ass -- at the VERY least a nice blowjob if she's on her period and you're not into that sorta thing. *wink-wink*
|Where the drunken magic goes down...|
Moving on, drunken nature takes it's course. He beats it up for a while then high-tails it out the door and later tells you that he wants nothing to do with you. I, personally, think Pope White Boy has a girl friend but I will go into that later...Well, to hell with it, why wait until later? Nita, either the sex wasn't good or he has a girl period. I mean, why would a county police officer risk his career driving all the way home drunk when he can lay-up with some ass all night? Huh? ...I'll wait. *glancing at watch* Anywho, you broke the FIRST RULE in online dating, Chica, which is NEVER DROP THE PANTIES ON THE FIRST NIGHT OUT. NEVER! Even if you want a fuck buddy let the joker wait until next weekend; give him something to think about and work towards. The truth is he treated you like a slut and slutted you out, Nita, BUT you put yourself in that embarrassing position. Any chance of him respecting you went out of the window when you didn't put him out the moment he told you his dick was hard. He knew he had you. I'm not gonna pile on you, love, as you already feel awful enough. What I will say is you made the mistake of not setting parameters for YOURSELF on the date. I tell my female buddies install a four-sided fence around themselves on first dates.
Side-one: NO SEX
Side-two: NO DRINKING IN EXCESS
Side-three: HE'S NEVER TO COME TO YOUR CRIB
Side-four: MEET INDIVIDUALLY and LEAVE SEPARATELY
This "fence" not only could potentially SAVE YOUR LIFE but it will also protect you from heartaches, illegitimate kids, angry wives, crazy baby mommas, and the embarrassment that you feel presently. Look, we all make mistakes and no one is perfect, so don't beat yourself up too much. Think about this: What would you advise your daughter who went to school out-of-state to do on a first date? Exactly. As we get older we need to be getting wiser and better not played. And, by all means, change your thought processes, Sweetie ... race and religion doesn't make a good person. I know we have our preferences in who we allow in our lives, but if you don't think shit through, you're gonna end up taking the BAD WITH THE GOOD, Nita. Hope this helps and check me at the bar one day. We'll find you someone decent. :-D
Your Old Pal,