Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Facebook and Twitter Etiquette for Bootleg Adults - Limited Edition

After a conversation with a good buddy via Twitter I decided to revise my quarterly etiquette manual  to include Twitter and IM's (specifically FB and Yahoo). We were laughing  about this common friend who seems to believe that Twitter is a cross between, Adultfriendfinder, and Interracial Singles. Listen, I don't care how ass she's putting out, it's her business, but I feel it's a damn shame that everyone on Twitter knows. How does one screw multiple guys (unprotected), who may not live near one another, but ALL know one another via Twitter? *SMDH* Moving on, as we were going back and forth, with our timelines obviously visible to all of our friends. I get several messages to my inbox like this:

"Kris, are you guys talking about Katie (for the sake of her privacy)? Man, that's a shame how Russell dissed her"

"I feel sorry for anyone who goes in that, she told me she didn't use a condom with Kevin" 


"Dave went to see her in-person, almost laughed in her face, but did it anyway... it was just too easy to turn-down" 

I got a couple more but they are way over-the-top...

Until I met this person, I never knew that Twitter had this salacious sub-culture with hook-ups, phone sex, and the whole nine. I always thought Twitter was a new-age way to vent whatever you wanted to the world -- think virtual Post-It Notes. Quite naive, huh? It often fascinates me as to what the conversations are women like Katie have with themselves. Today, I will post a picture of my tits on Twitter. Don't judge me. It's not to get attention, besides, everyone else is doing it. Wait, I think a shot in my panties will be even better. Genius! *sighing* Well, Katie, here's my time-tested manual to help you get your sh*t back on track. We can't have everyone laughing at you, shaking their heads in disgust, or f^*king you raw-dog -- it simply isn't a good look for a mother of two, dear.

Allow me to say this up front: I'm not on my "Soap Box" in any form or fashion. I'm not better than other human-being walking the earth nor do I claim to be. I learn my life-lessons vicariously like most of us do but, from what I've observed, some of you out there need a little guidance. With no further adieu ... Facebook and Twitter Etiquette for Bootleg Adults - Limited Edition 

1.When someone changes their Facebook relationship status do not post questions or comments on their wall.

2.Do not use your status message to have a passive aggressive argument with someone or to take a very immature side shot at someone. (I have encountered this problem and it's annoying as people think it's a clever thing to do, while in reality they end up looking silly and childish)

Helpful Tip: If you believe you are the recipient of status message shit-talk here's what you can do: In your main timeline, where the friend or relative's post is listed. Go to the upper right-hand corner and click on the "X" and you can hide their postings in your time-line. This way their immaturity, bad karma, and negative energy doesn't permeate your positive flow, and they are none the wiser. I've done this to several people and believe me it makes Facebook a MUCH better place for me. Because, at the end of the day, who cares about our petty squabbles with friends and "relatives"? Facebook is supposed to be a positive place of networking and reunion's.

3.If you don’t like someone on your buddy list for whatever reason, delete them and block them if necessary.

This also something that bugs me, FBF... if you don't like me or vice versa DELETE ME! Don't silently check my notes, relationship status, and daily posts you loser. YOU HAVE THAT MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS? Go to UMUC or Phoenix Online and get some business to attend to, loser. Facebook isn't going anywhere, but the folks pages that you are silently checking are being productive and doing things with their lives while you sit and watch.

4.Do not add people you don’t trust to your Facebook if your activity on Facebook is very private in nature.

5.Be careful with adding job networks and adding your actual company when you are one of those people with thousands of friends that you do not know.

6.If you are at or are going to a private function, do not announce it or the details of the function on Facebook if you wouldn’t want someone to coincidentally show up at said function.

7.Be mindful of posting about how much you love someone, some people on your friends list could be miserable or haters.

8.Do not continuously invite people to join your page if they have rejected the request.

9.Use the Hide feature to hide any status messages that are particularly obnoxious.

See Above - #2

10.Do not lie about your relationship status and be as transparent as possible with your page. If you are having to hide this or that from particular people, rethink your transparency and/or if that person should be on your list.

11.If you post foolishness on someone's page, don't take it personally when they delete it.

12. If you comment on someone else's post KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT! There may be a PRIVATE JOKE or something going on that you are not privy too.

12b. DO NOT comment with crass or off-colored language on ANOTHER PERSON'S POST. It's immature and classless (is that a word?), and I will delete any "friend" who does it from here on in.

13. If you are gonna STEAL someone's status message/witty saying pls. note your source. Better yet, ASK FIRST before you go posting someone elses stuff. I have this problem quite often on FB and Twitter.

14. Once again, FACEBOOK IS NOT eHARMONY, MATCH.COM, OR BLACKPEOPLEMEET! Don't peruse your friend's pages for perspective dates and booty calls, that's tacky and shows that you have NO GAME!

15. If you have a heavy discussion or something important to tell a friend or relative INBOX them or have a code word. Do not post personal things on your friend's page for the world to see. Two of my sisters and I use this message method quite often.

16. If you're someone's mother, do not post pictures of you in your bra, panties, bra and panties, or being semi-nude on Twitter.

17. Fights on Twitter over men and women you've never met in-person are so Junior High School.

18. I can't stress this enough. Keep your personal issues with family, friends, and fuck buddies private. #notagoodlook  e.g.  Just because I didn't make it to your party is no one's business. It looks petty and childish trying to air-out a person in that manner -- especially if you're 40 and above.

19. Just because you see someone online (FB, Yahoo, Gtalk) doesn't mean they are available or want to talk to YOU. So don't be offended when your IM's are being ignored because you randomly decided to IM the person.

20. Be cautious when tagging people in PICTURES. In the case of vintage pictures, the person's past may be painful, or they may be ashamed of who they were. As far as outings (lounges, parties, gatherings), baby girl or dude may be creeping, running from child support, or somewhere they shouldn't be with someone they should NOT be with ... doing something that they should be doing! 

21.Stop Page Hustling! Just because two people are friendly and have pets names does not mean they are fucking, dating, or watching porn together. Mind your business. Get some business of your own. 

Note: This is a working document so more will be added as necessary and thought of. Feel free to add any you'd like! Cheers!!

Random Rant: You know, I'm sick of these bootleg, broke-down, bust-down ass adults. Here's why you can't be nice to Negroes: Yesterday, I sent a good friend ( I THOUGHT she was a good friend) a nice message saying hello and checking on the family. She told me that she was having problems with her son and his baby mama, so me being me sent some love. Do you know that this Betty replied with some sarcastic, condescending, ghetto-ass retort? *smdh* Since I carry a certain person's gene I could have eviscerated her verbally, but I laughed it off and gave her a "whatever". I can't let clowns and negative-thinkers get me off of my square, friends -- not with their bitchassness. KNOWLEDGE is my Kung-Fu and it is STRONG!

Well, that's all I have for today, my friends. Stay Groovy!

Your Old Pal,

The Hedonist

Sunday, April 10, 2011


I'm seriously beginning to believe that bitchassness is making a serious comeback. Just when you think that the pandemic is subsiding or, at least, leveling-off around the globe, you find irrefutable evidence that bitchassness is alive and well like racism and skinny jeans. Bitchassness, as of lately, tends to lie dormant for stretches then comes back, like a rapacious creditor, with more vigor and determination. Saturday, I was having a conversation with a long-time acquaintance (and lifetime loser ... no, I'm not hating, dude's a lifetime loser) that went EXACTLY like this:  

T L: Laughing. I had 2 watch those bastards @ work get paid yesterday ! 12:06 PM
Me: Hey, yours is coming, dog ... you just started Monday 12:10 PM
T L: Nah it wasnt really a big deal cause no 1 I work with does a whole lot outside of work12:12 PM
T L: So I didnt have 2 hear about what they were going 2 do or buy this weekend 12:14 PM
T L: I gotta buy me a Ipod or a phone that whole music, cause we can listen 2 music @ work !!!! 12:20 PM
Me: Get a phone that holds music... Two birds with one stone 4:04 PM
T L: So how do I get the music if I dont have computer 4:05 PM
Me: Utilize your room mate ... he has a computer. 4:14 PM
T L: I told u he dont have it plus Im not paying 4 internet anymore unless its 4 my on damn computer, I told u Im not doing anything 4 anybody !!! 4:18 PM
T L: I have 2 get cut throat like everyone else, cause the fucked up people seems 2 b the ones enjoying life. When I get my computer I will get wireless net b 4:27 PM
T L: ut have a block on it so it only works on my shit !!! 4:27 PM
Me: Hmm, give me a list of 125 songs you want and I'll bless you... for a modest fee of course. *laughing/just kidding*4:27 PM
T L: Laughing. Ill pass I can just wait til I get my on shit, thats why I dont call people friends, thats the shit I b talking about niggaz is cut throat !!! 4:30 PM
T L: So u have a 6 figure job but u will charge me 2 download music !!! WOW 4:32 PM
Me: *laughing* You say THAT but in the same breath you say "I'm not doing shit for nobody". *SMDH* ...I tell you, folk funny these days. :-) 5:02 PM
T L: Nigga I have given u plenty of shit, plus I wasnt including u n that statement but I already new how u were but who the fuck charges somebody they always 5:09 PM
T L: calling their " MAN " 2 download some music thats PRETTY FUCKING LOW, but thats what Ive come 2 expect from U !!! 5:09 PM
Me: *laughing* Wow... no need to get into your feelings about it, Dude, i was only kidding. Besides, the music that I listen to you wouldn't enjoy at all. Daft Punk, Marvin Gaye, Tears for Fears. Duh! *smh* Anyway, Apple is selling the iPhone 3gs for $49 bucks; that would meet both of your needs. *laughing/smh* 5:19 PM
T L: Oh trust me Im not n my feelings, I told u I know what 2 expect from the people around me it doesnt even effect me anymore !!! :-D;-) 5:22 PM

Now this is a cat who wouldn't have had his last two jobs is yours truly hadn't shown him how to put together a resume, use MS Word, navigate the internet, get an email account, and so forth.
This is the same joker who had a 3.9 G.P.A. ,at the University of Phoenix, studying Healthcare Management because yours truly helped him with 95 Percent of his assignments for three terms. So, when I decide I've tutored him enough, and he should be able to complete his assignments on his own he throws a tirade and drops out. Now he cries the blues about not having a degree and he can't get ahead in life. Don't get me wrong, I don't extend help to others in hopes of getting my shine or something monetary in return -- I truly love my fellow human beings and want to see us all shine. But focus your attention to what TL says: 

T L: I told u he dont have it plus Im not paying 4 internet anymore unless its 4 my on damn computer, I told u Im not doing anything 4 anybody !!! 4:18 PM
T L: I have 2 get cut throat like everyone else, cause the fucked up people seems 2 b the ones enjoying life. When I get my computer I will get wireless net b 4:27 PM
T L: ut have a block on it so it only works on my shit !!! 4:27 PM  <~~ See? Is he or isn't he the rankest of hypocrites? Dude, how can you bitch about society being shitty in general when you make statements like this? How can you bitch about not having your degree when YOU made the choice to drop out because another grew fatigued with doing your work for you? You can't be conditioned this way as me and, I'm sure, many other people have gone out of their way to help you? In addition, what will blocking your internet connection do to better YOUR situation and does anyone really care? Shit, McDonald's has FREE WiFi in case you didn't know, TL! *laughing*  But this is a case of bitchassness by way of a proud, selective, short memory, and the end result may well be more mediocrity and lameness in everything that you do. 

Since we're talking about bitchassness and the bootleg adults of the world, what the hell is Congress doing? I'm hard pressed to find a case in which there has been more fuckery and incompetence amongst a group so-called "leaders" and "highly-educated" people. The sad part is that YOU hire/elect these fucks to loan YOUR hard-earned cash to bail-out Wall Street, the automotive industry, and various other non-essential interest and they fuck it off. All the while they are selling us an illusion that there is no cash on hand the keep the government running? Gotcha. Previously, I said "YOU hire/elect" because I'm a Washingtonian, friends. Congress Woman Holmes-Norton doesn't have a vote in the house because they've been screwing D.C. with no K-Y for decades, but yet we still pay federals taxes. Anywho, Congress Woman Holmes-Norton doesn't have a vote in the house so she doesn't contribute to the fuckery. Nevertheless, how'd we get here and what do we do? Simple. Make those clowns, that are misappropriating your hard-earned cash (I don't think strippers pay taxes on what they earn from lap dances), pay on election day. What happened to President Obama and " Yes,We Can"? I know he inherited a bloody mess but he hasn't exactly done an A plus job, has he? I know that there are some Negroes out there reading this cursing me for even mentioning President Obama, but to say he hasn't made some blunders along the way is in no way accurate. *sighing* My blog isn't a political forum so I will stay away from the politics but I just had to get that out. 

Last week I wrote a lite piece speaking on the State of the D.C. Music Union and I meant every word of it -- Wale is not a lyricist and, in my opinion, wack. I also feel that D.C. has superior MC's and he's not the best that D.C. (The DMV) has to offer. That's my OPINION, friends, and i'm sticking with that opinion ... so keep the hate mail coming! *laughing*  I also need to mention that I forgot the super-talented Meshell N'degeocello. Big Up's, Meshell ... lemme hold a couple dollars until this recession is over. 

There used to be a time where cats were proud to be from D.C. and would rep everything within it's 9.8 square miles. Go-Go, Nautica Sweatpants and K-Swiss, Chicken Wings and Mambo Sauce, Georgia Avenue Day, Etc. But, as I said, D.C. Cats haven't developed their own sound bedsides Go-Go. They wanna sound like the jokers down south and out west. Look, those are THEIR sounds ... they pioneered those hip-hop genres! D.C. needs to come with something original and exciting. That jam "Rising-Up" Wale did with The Roots and Chisette Michelle was the shit, and we've been using that same formula for decades. A heavy percussion section, keyboards, and a pretty, big-butt chick on vocals with a dope MC. How do we get that formula out to the masses without compromising the integrity of the product? I'm not a music producer (though I could be) but I gather if we put together a contingent of hip-hop artist, on the same page as far as the sound goes, we can push our agenda out to the masses. e.g. The Dungeon Family, St. Lunatics, Bone-Thugs, Boot Camp Click, Wu-Tang, etc.  Who knows ... it's just an idea.

 Well, I don't have much more today, friends. I could go on a rant about how the dating scene sucks here in the city, but who would listen anyway? I can tell you what me, Frankie, Marc, and Danny have come up with lately: Sista's give you a lot more bullshit, attitude, and games here in the metro area -- but that's another blog for another day. They demand so much and offer so little ... who wants that? What else? Oh, I've officially boycotted Clyde's of Chinatown/Gallery Place until they get some black people on the wall! **In my Bugging Out voice from Do The Right Thing**   

Everyone have a productive and peaceful work-week! As always, you're free to Email, DM, Tweet, and IM me with any comments, beefs, or suggestions. In addition, any scorned wives, disgruntled baby-mama's, cheating girlfriends, or unwanted jump-offs holla at 'cha boy! How'd that old jam go? "If you don't want her don't waste your time ... I'LL TAKE HER!" *laughing* I'm only kidding... sorta. Stay Groovy and God Bless! <3 ;O)  

Your Old Pal,

The Hedonist

Friday, April 1, 2011


NOTE: This column will also appear on 
One day late last week, while sitting in the dining room with my cornball sister (@inthemixwithtre /, she asked me to write something on the music scene here in D.C. for DMV BLOG and  Uh, what music scene, love? What have I ever done to you for you to task me with something so daunting?

For the record, I'm a true Washingtonian, friends. Not one of those chumps that you see on the train, that went to American University or George Washington, got an education, and decided to stay. I bleed Burgundy and Gold (Redskins) and remember Redskins Games at RFK that my pops would take me to on a Sunday. I know about "Cool Disco Dan" and that A REAL WASHINGTONIAN calls RAYFUL EDMUND "RAYFUS".  So, it's safe for me to say that I've seen just about everything that D.C. has had to offer musically. We've had some outstanding cats come out of this town; awesome cats like Chuck Brown (Rock and Roll Hall of Famer), Marvin Gaye (The TRUE FATHER of Neo-Soul), and Roberta Flack. And then you have your second tier cats like Kenny Lattimore, Mya, Tony Terry, E.U., who've had some moderate success. Bringing up the rear are your cats like Questionmark Asylum, NonChalant, and Junkyard Band. All of these are very talented individuals and bands, but other than the "top tier" no one has gone on to super-stardom. Okay, shut up, I haven't forgotten about Wale and Raheem Devaughn. But I would go out on a limb to say that they aren't superstars -- but we will get back around  to those guys later on down the line.

We are gonna break this discussion into three separate genres for a more concise discussion:  Soul (R&B), Hip-Hop, and Go-Go.

There's no question that we've had some amazing talent come out of D.C. like Ce-Ce Peniston, Marvin Gaye and, most recent, Raheem Devaughn (who emerged from the neo-soul/go-go band Urban Avenue Ref: Urban Avenue - "Heaven Help Us"). But these are singer-songwriters and vocalists, and if you follow music, most soul singers/vocalists have cut their teeth in the church, which makes them a much more polished product when they present themselves to the public. I have a pair of friends, a couple, Kevin and Canda Darryl-Clark. K-Nix is an outstanding MC/Producer and overall cool guy. Canda is a singer-songwriter and producer also. You would think they're rolling in the dough, drinking Moet Rose', and lending-out cash, but they are not. Why is this? Simple ... Respect ... or, rather, lack of respect.

CECE is STILL amazing! 

In the music industry, especially soul music, when you say soul most people think of Detroit (Motown), Philadelphia (Philly Soul), and Atlanta (LA Reid, Trackmasters, and Babyface). For some unknown reason Chocolate City doesn't get the respect that other cities do as far our place on the soul music map. As great as Marvin Gaye was he still had to migrate to Barry Gordy's hometown to get his shine. It's not that we don't have talent oozing out of this great city, it's that folk tend to think that our town doesn't measure up to the talent coming out of other cities. In addition, there's not a community/movement with a wide-spread voice, in larger music circles, to push our product and agenda into the ears and faces of the music world. 
Rakim The God

Hip-Hop is a different monster that deals with identity, or D.C.'s lack of identity. New York is known for it's great lyricists and their melodic flow. e.g. Nas, Rakim, Biggie, Ghostface, MC Lyte, and Mos Def. That area is also known for great battle MC's like KRS-ONE, Redman, 50 Cent, LL Cool J, and Joe Budden. You head down south and out west, heavy bass lines and club banging beats have thrown them into the hip-hop elite. In addition, the south and the west also have great lyricists. I'm talking Snoop Dog, Andre 3000, Souls of Mischief, Lil Wayne, Silk the Shocker, Mia X, and The Game. I get sick to my stomach to know that the Mid-West has gotten on the map before D.C. Please don't get me wrong, Common Sense and Bone, Thugs, and Harmony are BOTH in my Top 20 of all-time. But we're only 255 miles from NYC, friends ... how the hell did Nelly's wack ass go on to be in an international star but we can't even get a seat on Hip-Hop's front lawn. The answer is easy. Bone Thugs and Nelly (as WACK as he is) had their own original sounds that were new and exciting. Simple. Most cats from the DMV area don't have their own sound -- nothing original at all. Lets take Wale for instance, shall we? He can rap but he's certainly not a lyricist. Just go back to that BET Cypher he was on (you can Youtube it) some time back. He had the worst flow in the entire cypher! Wale's style of MCing (like most D.C. MC's) sounds like he is just rhyming words over a quasi-down south beat -- You never at any point feel that he is flowing. Now Fatso Skinny, Tabi Bonney, and K-Nix they give you well thought-out, witty verses ... they're are the exception. 

Last year I went to a venue with my sister, Tre, called Weyone; it's supposed to be D.C.'s "House of Hip-Hop". I can truly say that I felt that I was in a "dive-club" in Durham, North Carolina (Joe Traxx is gonna kill me when he comes over to the house), as there were very few lyricist and a lot of shouting and bouncing. What I'm saying is that, to the rest of the hip-hop world, D.C. comes off as unoriginal and lacking depth and quality.

My girl (one of my very best friends), Faiza, has teased me from the very beginning of our very long friendship, "Yo, KP, when is D.C. gonna get their turn at bat? The south is running shit now, Dre and Snoop got paid ... even the Clipse, Mad Skillz, and wack Magoo have made some noise. What's good with y'all in D.C." ...I can only drop my head in silence. See, Shadz (Faiza) is from Crown Heights Brooklyn NYC. So she thinks she's the oracle of hip-hop as compared to me and she never lets me forget that the best has to offer is Wale. Look, I am happy for Wale's success and that he reps D.C. to the fullest ... I JUST don't like his brand of hip-hop. Let's be real, there some cats in Harlem that probably can't stand Jim Jones and Dipset, right? Questionmark Asylum were good but they never got their shine and I think Mistafiss was too busy wondering if I was breaking his sweetie's back while he was working on beats. 

Now I'm not saying ALL of the MC's and Producers are unoriginal, that would simply be a lie. I AM saying is we need an original sound that's all our own. Our original sound is Go-Go and God Bless it. Thanks to Chuck, Essence, Junk, E.U., Redds and the Boys, and Benny I have some very fond memories as a young teen. Other than Chuck and E.U. though, nobody has taken us global. I'm bummed at this fact but not mad. I sincerely think Go-Go was ahead of it's time compounded with the fact that Hip-Hop had a much more powerful movement in the 80's and 90's, so we didn't get our shine. This is not to say that we won't ever make a Nelly-type splash on the music scene but it will take some time. Questionmark Asylum had a song featuring Chuck Brown on their album which was, I would say, the second best track on the whole CD. But due to awful marketing and other factors that song never got pushed as the second single off of the album. Youtube the song and you will find that it's the perfect blend of Rap and Go-Go, on par with or surpassing everything comparable except The Roots "Rising Up" (Where Wale actually SHINED).  

Your boy, The Eclectic a.k.a The Hedonist, has an undying love for D.C. and everything in it. I totally respect all of the great artist I've come to know through my sister Tre and other promoters. But the DMV music scene can NOT remain "underground" if it wants to thrive and thrust itself onto the national music scene. In addition, you Negroes can't be acting like fucking fools down there in VA , tearing up hotels, and making us look worst on the national scene. How the hell y'all gonna act like damn fools at one of the only chances we get to shine nationally? *smdh* ...but that's a another blog for another day. Be Peace and God Bless.

The Eclectic a.k.a The Hedonist

Any comments, beefs, hating, or unhappy wives, girlfriends, baby mommas, jump-offs hit me up through one of the methods below. Stay Groovy!