Friday, December 31, 2010

...On to the next one. GOODBYE 2010!

Shh! Shut up. Hush. Can you hear that sound? No, that's your stomach growling, fool! Yes, thaaaaat sound... the sound of 2010 getting his funky ass in the car and pulling off. Meanwhile, I can also hear my man 2011 pulling into the parking lot. Feels good doesn't it? I know, gang, it's been a rough one that ole' 2010. A monster blizzard, Teena Marie's death,  jacked-up iPhone 4's, oil spills, Lawrence Taylor's out there taking young booty? WTF?!? The economy is STILL in the toilet guys. I haven't found a wife or anything close to it (not that I am lonely *wink*). R&B music is crap and hip-hop isn't too far behind. Mary J. Blige is STILL singing about the song shit and we're still waiting for another Dr. Dre Album ... in 2010  *sighing* Boy-o-boy. I get a headache knowing that after another entire year my sister Tre is STILL a bama and Momma Mia hasn't learned to dance. Can you believe there is still a racist double-standard in the U.S. Justice System... civil AND criminal ... in 2010?!?  On my end, extended familial communications are at an all-time low -- erratic, superficial, and uncomfortable at best... even in 2010. But what can ya do? In light of all of this here's the GOOD NEWS:

If you're reading this BLOG at it's immediate publishing or anytime after 12:00am, January 1, 2010, God, or whatever/whomever you have chosen to believe in, has allowed us to see another year.  Even though there is going to be ongoing consequences, heartache, sadness, discomfort, tears, and other such madness that's gonna follow us into 2011 we are blessed to EVEN SEE 20011.  Lest we forget, Teena Marie isn't going to see the ball drop with Dick Clark at 11:59pm.  A lot of of us have lost loved-ones at some point this year I'm sure.  I am basically saying to all of my friends and family out there (and the stranger who just stumbled upon this blog):  Stop bitching and START counting your blessings! We all have problems. Some don't have as much money saved as they would like while others are wondering how they are gonna get metro fare to get to work at Starbucks tomorrow. But what they both have in common is that they have a good chance to see tomorrow.


 Another thing I want to touch on is RESENTMENT, gang. Please allow 2010 to put that shit in his trunk and drive-off into the night with it.  Real talk. You ever think that resentment is sorta like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die -- it's wasted and misguided energy. Usually the person you resent doesn't know or, more sadly, doesn't give a damn ... think about it.

I've had a lot of good things happen to me and those around me this year and I, also, had several negative experiences. But I have learned from both the positive and negative experiences and moved-on. The Hedonist isn't any sort of minister, therapist, or talk show host... I'm a hedonist (if you don't know what that is there is no shame if you Google it). My advice is just to leave negative karma, hard feelings, scorned girlfriends, grudges, resentments, AND THOSE FUCKING SKINNY JEANS in 2010 when the ball drops at midnight.

Neisha and Bubbe

In closing, if I had to shout out everyone who I love and care for this blog would be 17 paragraphs but lemme start with MONIQUE, Kai, Mia, Wadette, SHARON MICHELLE FOSTER-WILLIAMS, Meesh (Mrs. Claus), Phil, Amina, SELAH K. Crystal Wolf, Tracey KP., KEISHA BLACKSON, Katie and Veda, Megan, GABBY Z., Chuck H., Steph (Ms. Amazing), Kimi Mather, Frankie Baby, Michelle Kannan, Anita Garcia, Ebony Turner, Momma Johnnie, Vicki, and Go-Go Ron, ESHA STEVENS, This one, that one, and them.

Mrs. Claus trying to look cool with her Boost Mobile Trac*Phone

Enjoy the incoming year and beyond, Cadets! IF YOU DRINK TOO MUCH CATCH DAMN TAXI...THEY ARE FREE TONIGHT. Please, everyone, get home safe. Since 2010 was a blast lets make 2011 the bomb! God Bless, Be Peace, and Stay Groovy...Smile and Take Care. <3 ;O)

Your Old Pal,

The Hedonist


Sunday, December 26, 2010

So I Didn't Go To Church Today (YOUR Questions)

I love dominoes even though I am not that good ... well, not as good as my sister TRE!

And so it begins, cadets... the countdown to a new year; it's all downhill from here. I trust and hope that everyone had a wonderful Christmas Day. I went head-to-head in an epic battle with a MASSIVE Christmas plate my sister, Tre, prepared for me and I didn't fare very well. I ended up taking a "break" and that "break" turned into a nap in which I found myself awakening at 3:41am with everyone asleep. WTF? Sighing Anywho, I had to call Meesh (a.k.a Mrs. Claus) back as I promised I would right before my “break/nap” and I caught up with Debz and we visited for sometime. Meesh, said she needed some sleep since she has to get up early and hit Best Buy to pick-up my Onlive System (right, Mrs. Claus! ;-D) and Little Man a new cell phone. Hold up, you cats don't know the cats I'm speaking of, at least not yet.

I'm rambling, and I guess that comes from lack of sleep, but I'm gonna finish, heat up my plate, and then crash. Besides, I'm illegally downloading some Damien Marley, Kanye, and Beats International albums and that's taking some time. I was gonna initially drop something on the fellas about navigating and maintaining a relationship when the ex-dude is lurking or cool with her family but decided against it. I can give that one to you tomorrow or Tuesday. No, I decided to clean-out or, better yet, address the emails I get from my readers. It's funny and, at the same time, a pleasant surprise to see how many people actually read my sh*t – BUT DON'T SUBSCRIBE! :-/ But it's cool, I appreciate any readership I can get so thanks! Anyway, back to the emails. I decided that if I get enough emails by the last Sunday of the month I will post them for the masses and answer your questions publicly. How groovy is THAT! I know, right? <3 ;O)

If I haven't said it in previous installments I will here. I am not a therapist, just a cat with some free time on weekends who writes sh*t that's sometimes amusing but always real, raw, and uncut like a male porn star from the Caribbean. Hey, don't worry, I will change names since some of you know one another personally. Lets see what my little hedonists are sending me...

Mitch's Question:

Hey Pat,

I like this woman who does the unpredictability thing on me. I mean, she never gives me a concrete answer about herself. She doesn't say specifically where and when she's going to be somewhere. It leaves me kind of flabbergasted. What can I do to regain control?


The Hedonist Responds:

Hey Mitch,

Guess what. When a chick is "flaky," it always means one of two things.

The first is that she's simply not feeling it for you. If this is the case, you need to get a grip and move on, she'll turn out to be a skank anyway. I, personally know, two broads like that... they're not even WORTH a paragraph.

In the second case, she's testing you.

These things she's doing are classic examples of how 
women work men, trying to see how much control they have in a relationship and how strong you are.

Women can do this by running hot and cold. They may wait to call you back (or not at all). They might flake out on plans. No matter what, they'll probably ask tons of questions without revealing much about themselves.

The killer paradox is that if you comply with what a woman seems to want, then you automatically fail her test. I once read a great book called 
The Way of the Superior Man that points out that when a woman asks a man for something and he gives in without resistance, she just becomes disappointed and angry with him.

It all boils down to the fact that attractive women have a lot of choices and options, so they test a cat to figure out quickly whether he's worth investing time in.

If their tests reveal that a guy is a 
lame and pushover, there's a good chance that he won't get enough time with her for another chance. In the fast-paced world of an in-demand woman, she doesn't have time to spend getting to know you or trying to figure out whether or not you're the kind of person that would eventually make a great mate.

So, Mitch, how do you deal with this?

I recommend that you give her a small taste of what she wants, then pull back, leaving her hungry for more. Then take back even more power by not calling her back. When she starts asking questions, tell her she's boring you and that you'll answer one or two, but she's going to have to earn the rest. And if she flakes out or bullshits on plans, just act like you don't even notice.

Above all, have a life of your own, regardless of what she does, and you'll not only pass all her tests but won't care whether you do or not, and that's what being a real smooth operator is about. Big Dick Style or Bust, Mitch.

That's the 
ultimate key to success with all women. So make it happen, Playa-Playa.

This is how it's done, Chumps! 

Tony's Question:

Mr. Patric,

I have a question.

In this day and age of dating, I feel like e-mails and texts are a godsend. But in terms of meeting women online, is there such a thing as writing/texting too much? Could my long e-mails/text messages blow my chances when dating?


The Hedonist Responds:

Okay, Tony Listen up.

Even in this  day and age of convenient, risk-free texting and emailing, the same 
rules still apply. In fact, in some ways, they're even more important.

Here's why:

Since a guy can text/IM a woman any time without fear of personal, face-to-face rejection, rejection is inevitable. Guys will chase  women a lot more with constant virtual contact than they would with a call or visit. And then, when this kind of guy text/IM a woman and doesn't get the kind of response he wants, he'll chase even harder.

Then, the more the girl tries to tune him out or block him online, he'll get even more desperate. He'll try even harder. And then he'll come across as an even bigger 
bama (or worse, a creep) than if he were just trying to get her number face to face in the first place.

Do the math about how all this will turn out, and you’ll realize why it totally blows my mind how a joker will send email after email to a woman and get keep getting blown off instead of understanding that it's his own behavior that's turning women off of  him. Still, he just keeps doing it -- usually even increasing it.

How do I know this so well, Tony?

Because, my friend, I used to be a big-time online bama/coward, too. It was just far too easy to hide behind a screen and keyboard and make these mistakes on an epic scale. And now, of course, when I think back at it (and at other situations in my life where I behaved like this and caused a woman to lose 
her attraction for me), I just slap my head and say: "Duh!"

But that's OK. For whatever reason, it just wasn't obvious to me in the moment, and I think that most other guys have to go through it, too, until they realize this critical insight.

Everything I'm kicking to you is designed to prevent men from having to suffer the failure, embarrassment and humiliation that I did before I learned from the naturals what really works with chicks. And I wish every man could learn the basics about what it takes to create that magical feeling called "attraction" so they never have to suffer my many deaths.

But in the meantime, here's what I'll tell you, James. You've got to be just as careful online (if not more so) to make sure you come across to women as confident and in-control, or you'll blow it every time, guaranteed.

Poor Jose's Question:

Mrs. Clause!

Dear Hedonist, 

A few months back, I was attracted to a 
beautiful girl and developed strong feelings for her. I managed to get her friendship and admitted to her that she was “the one.” We are in different cities now, and it’s about five months since she left me. She stopped receiving my calls and replying my texts and mails. I tried to move on and forget her, but I can’t end this obsession. So I’m planning to go her city, meet her at college and get a final answer.

Your insight regarding my particular case?


The Hedonist Responds:

What was that, Jose? Did I understand you correctly?

You admitted to a woman that she was "the one." Then she moved, stopped taking your calls and answering your emails and replying to your texts. And now you're thinking of chasing her to some other city to make a last-ditch plea?

Congratulations, Jose. You've won my coveted Bama of the Year award, hands down. There's a shiny verbal beat down waiting for you at the door.

Seriously, short answer: Don't do it, my friend. Understand that you blew it by making every bama-ass mistake possible with this girl and get on with your life. Do yourself the favor of meeting as many new woman as possible and, later on, you'll send me an email about your success with broads that wins you my coveted Real Man of the Year award instead.

Now get on it.
I think that I may have to follow-up with you, Jose... really.

Hey...I'm a Hedonist!!!!! ;O)

So, it's light outside, I'm tired, and I've nothing further. I may have me a curvy brunette come and get snowed-in with me.  Shit, I have food, sodas, Ciroc, brewski's, and cable. Who can turn that down? Keep the emails coming! Stay groovy, God Bless, and Be Peace!

Your Old Pal,

The Hedonist

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Who's that peeking in my window? Part II (Fellas it's YOUR turn!)

Me and Sis buggin' out...

So I'm up waaaay too late conversing with various folk and not having a good night. For starters, I didn't pick-up that bottle of sauvignon blanc on the way in this evening. I got caught up doing some things for trip I was supposed to be taking next week but folks are starting to act shady and play games so I think I will get my money back once I finally get up and start my day.  I can use that dough for the festivities here in Chocolate City or ride up to Charm City and flex there.  I also didn't prepare enough food and now I'm hungry again. Any of you guys ever do that ... the sh*t sucks, doesn't it? 
But what made me open my page and start writing was something petty but not initiated by The Kid.  In a nutshell, I was called a chump by some chick (I actually spoke on her in a recent blog) who has several traits of the women in an earlier post (  ). I've fired my initial warning shot and she still hasn't gotten the idea or, and this wouldn't behoove her, she thinks I'm fooling around when I said I would light her up in a full expose with pictures and all.  Well, I started writing my blog titled "The French Connection" a week ago -- all that needs to be done is some minor tweaks and photo insertions and it'll be up for you guy to peruse and enjoy.  *sighing* I'm straying too far off of the point. After my various conversations I started to reflect back on my dealings and interactions with women throughout my 30 plus years.  I am pretty well versed on what attracts a woman but what are some of the turn-offs chicks look for and do I exhibit some of these characteristics?
Have you ever wondered if the way you act makes chicks cringe? Have you ever worried that your behavior might be making them run in the other direction?

Just as women are attracted to certain archetypal men, there are other types of men that women go out of their way to avoid. And this is especially true during the early stages of a relationship, when a woman is trying to gauge a man's personality.

Below I hit you off with eight types of guys that women consistently stay away from. I have compiled this list from conversations I've had with numerous women (sisters, cousins, friends, “friends”, my jump-offs, co-workers, and happy hour bar-flies) regarding the behaviors they dislike in men.

But don't worry if you recognize some of the following traits in yourself -- most of them aren't deal-breakers. The idea here is not to change your personality, but rather to keep certain female-unfriendly behaviors in check. Read on to find out what women dislike, so you'll be able to make a better impression next time around.

At Norm's Christmas Party! 

1. The Needy Guy (this is number one for a REASON!)
He is overly emotional and shares all his feelings with her right away. The Needy Guy also doubts himself and needs constant reassurance about his relationship, work and friendships.

Why he is so unappealing: Confidence and independence are very sexy traits in a man -- insecurity and dependence are not. Most women look for a strong partner they can lean on. So if you are always leaning on her -- especially in the early stages of a relationship -- she might doubt your ability to do this. And since women tend to come into relationships with all sorts of insecurities (and their own bullshit), she won't want to deal with yours as well as her own.

What to do if you're that guy: Timing is everything, so you just need to keep your feelings in check at the beginning of the relationship. Try to hold off on sharing all your feelings or divulging your insecurities. Basically stated: Lay-low on the mushy in-touch-with-myself-bullshit, Homeslice. Once you are far enough along in the relationship, you can share as much as you want. By that point, she'll appreciate knowing what's on your mind.

2. The Predictable Guy

Women don't like a predictable cat because they know exactly how he'll react to everything. He follows formulas and never wants to do anything differently. For example, he'd never surprise a woman by spontaneously taking her out for the night. Or, he's not gonna, out-of-the-blue, try to get busy on the bathroom floor or ladies bathroom at Clyde's.
Why he is so unappealing: Women look for a certain amount of unpredictability in a man -- they want a free spirit. This is why some women seem to be drawn to the notorious "bad boy." It's not that they are drawn to his badness exactly, but rather to his unpredictability.

How to avoid being predictable, arrogant, boorish, and more..

What to do if you're that guy: You don't have to be a “gangsta” or a completely free spirit to win her over. But try to mix things up -- particularly at the beginning of a relationship. Call her and tell her you want to go to the countryside for the day, or for an impromptu meal. After she gets to know you, she won't mind as much if you slip back into your routine a bit. But don't forget to continue to surprise her once in a while -- doing so will keep the relationship fresh.
Dig the fly Thomas Pink Shirt! Y'all ain't hardly ready. ;O)

3. The Arrogant Guy

He has a huge ego and he's condescending. He is also rude -- not necessarily to her, but to anyone he perceives as beneath him. And that's just as bad as being rude directly to her.
Why he is so unappealing: A woman often looks at how a man treats other people to assess his personality. So even though you might be nice to her on a date, she'll be paying attention to how you act with other people too.
What to do if you're that guy: No woman wants to be talked down to, so I shouldn't have to tell you to shed the ego when you are dealing with her directly. But in order to really impress her, you need to treat everyone around you with a certain amount of respect -- because she'll be watching.
4. The Boorish Guy
The Boorish Guy doesn't try to hide the fact that he's 
checking out other broads while in her presence; he flirts with the waitress and he even goes as far as to brag about his past conquests. Overall, he lacks respect for women.
Why he is so unappealing: Not only is this type of behavior infuriating, it can also be bad for a woman's self-esteem(a lot of women have this though they won't tell BS). If you act like this when you are first getting to know a woman, you won't stand a chance.
What to do if you're that guy: If you can't curb this kind of behavior permanently, then you at least have to keep it in check when making a first impression. Keep your flirting and wandering eyes at bay -- and maybe eventually it'll become a habit. Because, truthfully, if you introduce this kind of behavior into a relationship at any point, she won't be pleased.

I'm revamping this... see future blogs for updated version.

5. The Cheap Guy (this should be higher)

He invites a woman to dinner and then subtly suggests they go Dutch which is not smooth and a definite no-no. He never splurges to buy her flowers and he always opts for the cheapest wine. He makes her feel like they're on a tight budget from the very first date.
Why he is so unappealing: Your first few dates should always be carefree (but don't let the broad milk you either, YOU are the one doing the pimping, remember?); the words "saving" and "budget" shouldn't come up. If she spends the first date picturing a lifetime of penny-pinching with you, you're out of luck and a potential girlfriend.
What to do if you're that guy: Loosen up the purse strings a little when you're courting a woman. You don't need to spend a fortune to make a good impression (especially if she's from the 'hood), but you do need to make her feel like she's special. Flowers are a nice touch once in a while.

Don't argue all the time, act holier-than-thou or talk trash about women if you want a second date..

6. The Arguer

This type of guy turns every conversation into an argument. When he takes a woman out, he makes her feel like she's in debate class rather than on a date. And in doing so, he makes her feel defensive and self-conscious.
Why he is so unappealing: A date should be a pleasant experience, but if she's on the defensive the whole time, she will not be enjoying herself. Remember this: Constant arguing and debating is a stress -- and you certainly don't want her to associate you with a stressful experience.
What to do if you're that guy: Most importantly, relax. If you are this type of guy, you probably revert to debating because you are nervous or unsure of what to say. So before the date, brainstorm conversation topics and questions you can ask her. That way, you won't be as likely to revert to arguing during lulls in the conversation.

7. The Self-Righteous Guy

This guy is very judgmental of others. He probably doesn't drink or smoke, and he doesn't hesitate to tell others to follow suit. From the very first date, he'll preach to a woman, telling her she shouldn't drink wine or get dessert.

Why he is so unappealing: No one wants to be judged, especially on a date. She'll just find it annoying and rude.

What to do if you're that guy: You can preach a little once you are actually in a relationship. But until that point, her drinking, smoking and dessert-eating habits are none of your business.

8. The Misogynist

This guy makes no secret of his bitterness toward women. On a date, he can't help but exude negativity toward his companion and the entire female gender by making rude and insulting comments.

Why he is so unappealing: This is the only type of behavior on this list that is, in fact, a total deal-breaker. And it's not surprising. What woman do you know that would like to be in a relationship with a man like this?

What to do if you're that guy: You need to reconsider your attitude if you are this type of guy. This type of behavior is not only rude and nasty, it is often the last straw in breaking up a relationship.

This is sooooo very true ... every man needs a curvy lady in the winter months. 

Be The Amazing Guy

Don't stress out too much if you see yourself on the list above. But do remember this: These are behaviors that women look out for at the beginning of a relationship … real talk. So if you want to put your best foot forward and make a good impression, study the list and make sure to keep these female-unfriendly behaviors to a minimum. In closing, everyone have a groovy and peaceful holiday. Shouts to my counterpart out west Kalina – check her blog out too, I'm sure you'll dig it! I gotta blast-off now, guys ... a proper hedonist never sleeps, as sleep is the cousin of death. Oooow! Stay Groovy, Be Peace, Happy Holidays, and God Bless!

Your Old Pal,

The Hedonist

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Who's that peeking in my window?

In my opinion the man who started it all as far as Neo-Soul ... Him AND Erykah

Soul and R&B music stinks. Really, soul and R&B music stinks and has had a putrid aroma for the past 19 years. Except for a few offerings by Stevie, Mary J. Blige, Keith Washington, Tony, Toni, Tone, Aretha Franklin, Jodeci, Guy, Dru Hill, Usher, and Al Green soul music has been a waste of listening-time for me and a lot of my friends.

 I decided to jump-on scribble something real quick because 1) I was quite distraught, while perusing Youtube and some other music sites, that I couldn't find a decent R&B song to play that is fairly recent. 2) I just posted a song on my FB Page and received several emails as to what genre the artist could be defined.  The artist is of early Neo-Soul persuasion.

Xavier (the artist on my FB Page) dropped his album about two months before Maxwell's timeless classic album Maxwell's Urban Hang Suite. Now THAT was a hell of an album and it makes music purists like myself thank the heavens for Maxwell and that awesome summer.  Neo-Soul was in it's infancy and no one knew what to make of it, and in which direction it was going, because neo-soul wasn't and IS NOT without it's problems.  One of the problems with neo-soul (and it's prevalent today) was that its advocates were quick to celebrate artists that capture the merest essence of the form -- elements that are clearly reminiscent of Stevie, Curtis, Sly, Marvin, even Prince -- without caring whether the songs themselves are all that memorable. Usually, what matters is the feel and the mannerisms, as evidenced by D'Angelo's praised, mannered second album. Even acclaimed artists like Alicia Keys are praised for what they could be as much as for what they are. For every Erykah Badu, Maxwell, and D'Angelo there's a Estelle, Bilal, and Tony Rich Project.  These are artists that came, planted their flag, evolved, and are still evolving into bigger and brighter artists verses the latter three that only give us a single or two then vanish or become obscure.  But even with the minute problems that neo-soul has as a sub-genre it's vastly superior to it's parents soul and R&B.  If you don't agree with me you only have to look as far as the content of the lyrics and composition of the music. Sade and Van Hunt actually write deeply thought-out songs while their bands compose complex melodies to compliment the lyrics.  Meanwhile Trey Songs and new soul artists of his ilk write about screwing while the neighbors listen and wait for a beat by Just Blaze.

  Now don't get me wrong, I love R&B just not the shit that is on the radio these days. All of the "tracks" sound identical; aside from Ne-Yo and Keri Hilson (did I spell that correctly?) no one is coming with anything new and innovative. None these cats are pushing the sound of soul music -- they're just jumping on and off of the dicks of one another. And, no,  putting Lil' Weezy, Drake, or Nicki Minaj on the remix doesn't constitute as innovative.  To me, Mario sounds a lot like Trey Songz and why is this so?  I feel that soul music is going to go the way of hip-hop music if the ARTISTS don't get off of their asses, find an original thought, and put something out there that's gonna make us wanna dance, think, cry, smile, fuck, and go "whoa! who's that? who the hell is on bass guitar?" ...because just singing about having loud sex is played-out and unoriginal. Shit, I screw just as well or better listening to Daft Punk or Funkadelic -- definitely a lot faster! *wink-wink*
I know it's never good to post pictures of your EX-GIRLFRIEND on the internet but I mentioned her! ;O)

Random Rant:  You don't have to stalk a person's social pages or their friend's pages to see what's going on with them, just ask, Chica.  This is a warning shot, my friend, next will be a full expose with pics.


Okay, lemme have some food and get some rest as I have a long day tomorrow.  As always if you don't agree or have a comment hit me up on one of the avenues below (FB/Twitter/email). Stay Groovy and God Bless! <3 ;O)

Your Old Pal,

The Hedonist

Sunday, December 12, 2010

So I Didn't Go To Church Today - A discussion on the Chicks

Well, as the title says, I didn't go to church today or anywhere else. Now is the time to that one should be cuddled-up with a nice curvy lady friend in her boy shorts (my favorite) or french cuts (my second favorite), in YOUR Washington Redskins jersey watching, Mr. and Mrs. Smith and having a glass of sauvignon blanc. For me this is not a reality because I don't have a curvy lady friend – at least not to lay-up with or send to the fridge in her boy shorts. I could lay here and front for you guys and holla “I got 99 problems but a b*tch ain't one”, which would be TRUE but lets face it, no one WANTS to be lonely? The only remedy for loneliness is to get out there and meet people. In other words you have to start dating.

Dating is on the rise. People date using Myspace, Facebook (which they SHOULDN'T), Twitter (WHICH THEY SHOULDN'T SMH), dating services, and online chatting sites. Well, not only is dating on the rise, but the divorce rate is quite high  as well, and there are many reasons for divorce. Hopefully,your own personality is not one of them. As I see it, the best way to avoid divorce is identify and avoid personality types that will lead to problems down the line, fellas … real talk.

 As much as these broads talk about trifling men and a lack of good men (you hear this much more outta black women for some reason), we aren't the cause of all of the problems that spring-up in relationships. Those same ladies that are spitting all of the negativity are the same ones that are lonely or contributing to their own relationship problems. It's time for me to clear the air. There seems to be this misconception, which suggests that men have lower standards when it comes to choosing a mate.

That couldn't be further from the truth.

In fact, men are a lot pickier than we lead you to believe. In an effort to prove this point, I've decided to share 
my personal list of women to love and lose. Make sure you pay close attention to these women. And if it sounds like I'm describing you, then that may explain why your last boyfriend told you he was going to church and never came back. So today we are gonna hold a mirror up to the ladies and let them see who they are. I've done some research and compiled a list of the ones that want to gravitate towards and the ones you should avoid like that crack-head auntie at the graduation cookout.

Now, as always, this isn't a list compiled on anything scientifically-based. Just a little investigating, vicarious learning, and my own meandering life-experience. Nothing I say is out of malice toward the female gender … really it isn't. But if you don't agree shoot me an email or Tweet and we can agree to disagree. Cool? Shouts to all of my sisters. Also Megs, Trouble Bear, Ameisha (my blessing), this one, that one, and them. Check it out...

She's the BOMB and a Blessing...
The Drama Queen:
Drama queen is a personality type developed by many women. These females believe that everything is either very bad or very good. Webster's definition of "drama queen" reads, " A person given to often excessively emotional performances or reactions." There is no in-between for these girls. Things are going great or things are going horribly, and when something goes wrong, look out. In terms of relationships, these types whine, nag, and pester all of the time. There's always something that needs to be said and worked on. Nothing is right. Furthermore, these women try all kinds of ways to get a man's attention. There's a crisis today, tomorrow, and the next day, and the woman is looking for someone to save her. A little trouble makes the man feel important and heroic if he can fix the situation, but too much distress will tire out even the most loyal of men. 

Ms. Woe-As-Me:
This one unfortunately is becoming all too common. I am sure I will receive some comments about this one. I don't care, the truth is the truth. This woman has been treated very badly by men. In fact, they usually have been severely physically and or emotionally abused for many years. What happens here is some women (Not All), play on their past miseries and abuse, to get a man to feel sorry for them and come and rescue them. Believe me, there are plenty of softhearted men out there that really fall for this big time. One of their thoughts is, "Well if she had it so bad with other men, I will seem like Prince Charming". Bad thought process here. Both are thinking dysfunctionally. A man does not want to fall in love with someone whose capacity for love is clouded by past horrors. Yes, I know you men like to fix things – Captain Save A Hoe. However, you CAN'T fix this, only she can. DO NOT under any circumstances get involved with someone who has NOT dealt with their past. I guarantee, no matter how wonderful you are, at the first sign of an argument, you WILL look like her past. 

The Wingwoman:
 This is the guys' girl, who's always been a part of your man crew. She drinks beer with the best of them and knows more about fantasy baseball than you could ever dream of. This is the girl who meets hot girls at the bars and introduces you to them with glowing recommendations. She may even shoulder the burden of shopping and brunching with your girlfriends. A warning: Don't even think about trying to sleep with your wingwoman. No, really, don't do it no matter how good she looks in boy shorts! You've been warned...

Ms. Power Trip:
This type of woman feels that she has something to prove and she usually has plenty to work with. She could have a master's degree, a law degree, and drive a blue Mercedes. Her family might have created Campbell  Soup. Her mate is fine with all of her accomplishments and assets as long as she doesn't flaunt them. He's calm as long as she does not talk down to him or disagree with him just to disagree. Hopefully, this woman does not upstage her mate in public on purpose. The only problem is that The Power Trip does all of these things. She makes use of every opportunity to prove herself to people, and she quickly makes her man upset and annoyed. For as long as I can remember, Ms. "Power Trip" has always worked hard to show the world she was capable of doing anything she set her mind to. And while the entire male population applauds her strength, we get kind of tired of her reminding us about it throughout the entire date. 

"I've got a good job."
"I don't need a man to do anything for me."
"I've always been independent."
"I'm going to write a book encouraging other women to be strong like me."

Honestly, we'd rather watch an adaptation of Romeo and Juliet starring Shaquille O'Neal and Ellen Degeneres than to sit through an entire evening of that. 

Your Girlfriends Best Friend: 
You have no idea how important it is to befriend your girl's bff. This is the girl who can make or break your relationship. Tread lightly at first and don't jump to conclusions. She's going to be skeptical of you because that's part of her job, but if her friend is happy, she'll want to like you. Contrary to popular belief, best friends won't get crazy jealous and hate you out of principle unless they're not a very good friend (or you're a lousy boyfriend). She has your girl's best interest at heart, so she'll be able to give you priceless insight. I'm dropping a jewel here, fellas, this can NEVER be overstated...

Ms. Read My Mind:
For some reason, Ms. "Read My Mind" expects her man to know exactly what she's thinking at all times. She then constantly tests him, using his responses to gauge his level of love. To any woman who believes this type of behavior is acceptable, I suggest you change your way of thinking. We have absolutely no interest in dealing with a woman who specializes in "The Guessing Game." I mean what type of position does that put us in sexual situations, fellas? You're sitting there thinking “Hmm, I'm trying to read her mind... does she swallow? Oh, well, here goes nothing!”

The Lesbian: 
All clich├ęs aside, being close to a gay female will give you incredible insight into female relationships. A lesbian is the female version of you with the advantage of knowing how females feel in  relationships. Not only does she know how to please a woman emotionally, but she has first hand knowledge into the physical gratification of women. Watch out though, the lesbian might be your friend, but she's your competition as well. And don't think about it, fellas – any talk about that threesome can turn disastrous down the line... for YOU!

Ms. Chatterbox:
I'm a firm believer that communication serves as the cornerstone for all serious relationships. So I encourage you to talk to your loved one...just not all the time. You see, the problem with Ms. "Chatterbox" is that she spends most of her time talking, and none of it listening. Before long, this type of woman grows even more annoying than that one drunk uncle who always tries to hit on your female friends. 

Ms. Cash Rules:
You got it! These women are also affectionately called "Gold Diggers". The only thing this woman is interested in is your wallet, and it better not be anything less than Ralph Lauren, or Gucci. When she looks deep into your eyes, don't be fooled, the only thing she sees is dollar signs. The only trip she wants to take with you, is to the bank. I guess if you're shallow, and care nothing about real love, she's the one for you. However, if you want a woman with real feelings, who loves who you are, and would stay with you even down the path to the poor house, avoid this woman at all costs. Give her a thrill, drop her at the nearest ATM machine, but then NEVER return!

Ms. Wicked Witch:
Ahh, your own personal trip to OZ with wicked witch and all. I have to say, I truly have compassion in my heart for any man that chooses this type of woman. NO matter what you do guys, NOTHING will ever be right. She  will always tell you how you could have done it better. Of course better means, her way. She constantly complains, or should I say screams at a decibel level high enough to make anyone deaf. She demeans, argues, whines, and creates a home that is like a living hell. If you're into S & M, bondage, or just plain being treated badly, she's your everything. Always remember, people hate change, she will NEVER change. If you want a peaceful, happy, loving relationship, send this one back to OZ!

Ms. My Name Is Wendy:
I know your saying, what? Several years ago a book was written called the "Wendy Dilemma". It used the characters in Peter Pan to describe personalities of certain kinds of men and women. Well, Wendy was the all mothering type. Now, a lot of men tend to confuse this with a loving, caring, maternal type woman. What I mean here is; Do you really want to be married to your mother? In the beginning men absolutely adore this type of woman. She cooks, she cleans, waits on him hand and foot. Unfortunately, just a short trip down the road, she starts mothering him. So, what ends up happening? The romantic, exciting sex life you once had before she turned into "MOM" is a long lost memory. If you would rather be mothered, and don't care about a great sex life, she's your girl. On the other hand, if you still want to be a vibrant, sexually charged man, leave this woman to the "Peter Pans" who really need her. 

Ms. Then and Now: 
This type was sweet when she first met her mate. She was sexy all of the time and wore cute little clothes. Her makeup was always done, and she spoke very softly. However, that was then. This is now. Now she wears rollers and a do rag to bed. "Don't mess up my hair!" she yells as her mate tries to get her into his favorite position. Then and Now Girl frowns at her mate, purses her lips, and shakes her head. Her curves are starting to fill out. Before, she was none of the above personality types. Now she is all three on any given day. Her mate arrives home from work and instead of feeling like he is embracing his hot mama, he feels that he has met the new maid. This woman should not have started off trying to be superwoman at first to only later become who she really was. Such a dramatic change creates a loss of trust. He thought he knew her back then. Now, he doesn't know what is going on.

Ms. No One Else:
Ms. "No One Else" wants all of your free time...every single second of it. As soon as the two of you get close, she stops talking to all of her friends and expects you to do the same. Some men may agree to this arrangement reluctantly, but they'll soon end up more unhappy than R. Kelly at a Grown and Sexy cocktail mixer. 

Ms. Stick In The Mud:
This woman never seems to have any fun...ever. In all honesty, it seems like her idea of a good time is a quiet evening at home reading the encyclopedia while eating a Lean Cuisine. On top of that, she doesn't know how to give or take a joke, since she takes herself way too seriously. Will you relax...please? 

The Nurturer: 
This is the girl who always has a place set for you at Thanksgiving dinner, can't help but clean your apartment when she's visiting you, and will gladly pick you up at 4 in the morning after you've had too much to drink. She's also the one who most likely wants you to settle down, but also knows how picky you are, so she'll set you up with only her very best girlfriends.

There you have it, the women most often to be avoided and the ones you need to be getting with. If you already have one, of the losers, my sympathies. Why you ask? Because you are missing out on a lot of exciting, independent, fun loving, Ladies with minimal problems and greater upside. I haven't a PhD in Sex Therapy nor am I a Licensed Relationship Counselor but I have made enough mistakes in my 30 plus years to help you avoid making the same ones. In addition, this list is for DATING PURPOSES ONLY and not finding a wife. You say why I don't I have a curvy lady in boy shorts bringing me a Sam Adams and Turkey Sandwich? Well, 1) I didn't follow the list in the first place early on, 2) I'm in no rush to share my wine and Lamb Chops, 3) I'm a bit of a playboy and I haven't found the right one or the ones I'm after seem to go for the losers. The ones that don't take them out but like the movie dates at her house, or have an amalgamation of legal issues … my real ladies you know the type. Anywho, kick the list around, re-post the list, and discuss with your girls... I don't really care. If you have any feedback email, shoot me a Tweet, or hit my Facebook Page. Enjoy your upcoming work-week, God Bless, and Stay Groovy! ;O)

All the Best,

The Hedonist