Thursday, September 8, 2011

I Should Be Working: The Hedonist does a good thing...

So, I’m fooling around with my groovy Samsung Galaxy Tab when an email pops up reading the following: 

Dear Hedonist,
I’ve broken up with my boyfriend of 14 months last weekend only to find that he’s jumped into another relationship with some ugly bitch from Senegal, Africa! Can you believe that?!?! Okay, so this leads me to believe that he never loved me at all … or at least as much as he says he does (We still text and Yahoo IM). To top it all off, he gave her the T-Mobile G2 I brought him for his birthday … the one that he BEGGED me for! I hate this bastard … How do I get back at him?

*sighing* I really shouldn’t be taking time out to address this nonsense but YOU took the time to write-in to the Old Boy, and it also shows you value my opinion to a point. 

Well, Liz, it sounds as if you’re in your late teens or early 20’s but, more importantly, it sounds as if you’re a victim of disorganized thinking. You should be thinking about re-organizing your priorities and focus on some realistic, attainable, short-term goals. Fuck that dude and his African Wifey. Getting over a broken heart can seem like a difficult task at first, but as they say “time heals all wounds”.  This is true, even with getting over a broken heart. 

The only problem with “time” is that it’s a relative term and one length of time may be different than another person’s length of time for getting over a break up.  When you are trying to get over a bad-ending relationship, you may need additional assistance, above and beyond “time”.  When this is the case, you may need to consider alternative means of resolution for getting over a break up. 

If you need help getting over a break up and time is taking too long for it to heal your emotional wounds, you may want to consider trying the following tactics.  Find a hobby or invest your time in an interest of yours that you haven’t had time to devote to.  Focus on your education or advancement of your career.  Focus on yourself; in other words, focus on developing yourself as a person and make some personal changes that you’ve been promising yourself that you’d make for a long time.  Look at this time of getting over a break up as an opportunity to expand yourself and move towards the “you” that you want to be.

Look, Liz, I’ve had my share of break-ups – some where bad but most where good. I think a lot of your pain is coming from the constant digital correspondence with this dude. See, when I break-up with a chick that’s it. I don’t want any calls, text, or emails from the old girl ... but that’s just ME. You have to give yourself time to heal from the initial heartbreak before you can even consider being friends given your tender and and inexperience. You cut-off contact with this chump and focus on becoming a better YOU and watch the results you get. Liz, a better you means you will attract a better man, get it? When this is accomplished dude and the African chick will be a mere insignificant thought from the past. Trust me.  ;O)  

Okay, now I’ve wasted 17mins. So I only have roughly 20mins. to goof-off on my Galaxy Tab before my meeting with the executive director. Oh, and if by chance you’re interested, Saturday’s blog is on which race of women make the best lovers. I’m not just talking about sex and head; I’m talking about nurturing a man, having his back, and being faithful. I don’t want to insert a spoiler here, friends … but it ain’t the sisters!  Sorry.

Your Old Pal,

The Hedonist