Thursday, May 5, 2011

Friends and Fuck Buddies: Look before you leap - MEN

It's been quite a long time since I've posted something for you guys to read and enjoy. Believe me, the decrease in production is not due to laziness or lack of effort - this is not the case. Everyday someone says, "Kris, you should write about this. Kris you should talk about that!" creative process doesn't work like that, friends. Unless someone who's a close friend asks me to address something that's bothering them I'm not usually feeling most of the topics that land in my inbox. I've also written and scrapped several posts simply because they were not up to previous standards. I refuse to deliver you folks a shitty product. Period.

Over the past few weeks I've been observing a disturbing trend that's two-fold: 1) Brothers taking their women for granted and, 2) Women are just simply going for anything men do and say. For the sake of fluidity and structure I'm going to address these trends in order because I KNOW I go off on rants at times, and you guys end up like "WTF? Lemme go back and re-read that again" yes, I've been reading all of your constructive criticism.   

Fellas, allow me to say I feel your carnal pain and conflict, okay? Your boy, The Hedonist, has had way more than his share of good leg -- PREMIUM leg I would have to say. Brunettes, Blonds, Indian, Asian, Mulatto ... if you can name it I've dabbled in it at some point in my 30 plus years. I can understand what a man goes through. Lets say you have a great girlfriend. A curvy, red-head with emerald green eyes with an excellent career, and the sex is approaching rock star levels. But, for some reason, you can't take your eyes off of that Latin number down in accounting with the hips and ass like J-Lo, right? You're curious as to what it's like from the back and is the cowgirl better than your red-head's version. What about the REVERSE cowgirl? These are questions that demand an immediate answer so you take a shot at it and find out not only is the sex better Maria can cook! NOW what do you do? Do you leave Becky for Maria or you let a fling be a fling? Decision - Decisions, huh? This is something that goes on everyday with married and attached men, and though I don't condone it I, as a former playa-pimp, understand. Sadly, men don't realize that this sort of behavior -- while being a temporary boost to the ego-- is counterproductive and self-destructive in the long run. You will learn the hard way that not only is this behavior hurting others; it also almost never pays off and, certainly, will never lead to true love. 

My dear friend, to whom I'm fiercely loyal and protective of, was having some problem last week with her husband. I don't know a lot about the guy but I know GUYS (as illustrated in the scenario above), so the jury is still out on him as far as I'm concerned. My girl tells me he's not a pussy chaser but I beg to differ, baby (even though I trust your judgment). A man's thirst for new pussy is innate and unquenchable ... almost identical to a vampire's thirst for blood. And it's almost sickening to see you fellas screw up a really good thing for the unknown -- the 80/20 rule. Being the stand-up guy that I am, I'm going to try to talk some sense into these knuckle heads and let them know why your fling, or ongoing relationship, with your jump-off or mistress will never pan-out to anything.

When a guy has an affair with a new woman, he may not start out thinking of making it a permanent relationship, but sometimes, if the relationship persists, that question pops up. Much like when you were dating before you were married, it is typically the woman who first starts talking about “taking the relationship to the next level.” Some guys who are having an affair would never consider this IF they're SMART. Other dumb niggas, though, might see this new woman as a possible antidote to a failing marriage or as the one they should have married in the first place. This is childish and erroneous thinking on the man's part. You should know that the odds are heavily against going from an affair to a long-term, lasting relationship. Some research suggests that about only one in 10 affairs lead to a long-term relationship. Of these, only about 10%  are permanent. This means that there is about a one in a hundred chance that you and your side-bitch will stay together for the long haul. And you thought the approximately 50% divorce rate was high! 

One reason for this dismal statistic is that when a relationship begins with an affair, both parties know the other has been willing to betray their spouse, so they lack trust in each other. In addition, your fling/relationship with the jump-off isn't based in anything real. Some cats give up their careers, their children, their homes, and everything else to pursue that phat J-Lo Clone. Most of those men eventually wind up in counseling because they have jumped from the frying pan into the fire.

Affairs and flings are not good solutions for a failing marriage/relationship; they only make matters worse. If you are in the midst of an affair, I would recommend that you, at least temporarily, put the affair on hold and resolve what you are doing about the marriage. If the marriage cannot be salvaged, then it is best for you and all those concerned to end the marriage rather than to carry on a double life ... trust me on this.  Remember, too, that being in a torrid love affair is quite different from a long-term, committed relationship like marriage. You don’t visit this ho's grandmother, you don’t pay taxes with this tramp, you don’t raise kids with her ( I HOPE YOU DON'T because that's ANOTHER BAG OF WORMS!), etc. Affairs and marriages are apples and oranges. You don’t know what it is like to be married to someone until you are married to them.

More importantly, though, are the kids that are involved. Don’t expect your affair to remain a secret from your children. They eventually figure it out. When your children are old enough to understand that you left their mother for another for broad, they are likely to feel that you betrayed not only their mother but the family, as well. In my experience, this seems particularly true for daughters. Just being a guy can get you halfway convicted by your daughters, perhaps because they've experienced cheating boyfriends. Extenuating circumstances for your affair, such as the fact that you and your ex-wife hadn't had good sex in years, will be neither understood nor accepted by your children. Furthermore, if you and your new love try to stay together, your children are going to resent the bitch, putting even more strain on your relationship with her.

Look, I am by no means am I a therapist or relationship counselor, guys. My advice is solely of my own meandering experience and learning vicariously through others. If you had something great that's only mediocre now work to make it great again. If the money's low budget or take on a part-time gig. If the sex isn't what it used to be try some porn, sex toys, or Viagra -- persuade her to swallow ... you're both grown.

Now ladies ... you HAVE to use your head and stop making excuses for these chumps. If it walks, like a duck, talks like a duck then it's a duck. A buddy of mine who's beautiful and a successful business owner told me yesterday that a Negro that she has LIVING with her and her son isn't laying any pipe.

"Kris, I had to beg him to jump on this good thang the other night and, at first, he said 'No'"

"Are you fucking crazy? It must not be good then, huh?" <~~ Me fishing! *laughing* 

"Oh, Kris, it's good ... believe me"

"Well, I want to see what all the fuss is about then. *laughing* Nevertheless,there HAS to be a reason he's reluctant to knock it down"

"I went through his phone, and I saw text messages that he's still talking to his 'ex-girlfriend'" 

See what I mean, ladies? Why is she letting this cat run this bullshit on her? Why is she going for such fuckery ... put that Negro out. You AND your son deserve much better, don't you think? Women of the world, I know that men are dogs but don't provide the dog house for them to live in! Grow a spine and DEMAND better. *sighing* 

Well, that's all I have for now as I AM preparing for Cinco De Mayo, cadets! I hope that all is well with friends, family, work, health, and love. Stay Groovy and God Bless! <3 ;O) 

Your Old Pal,

The Hedonist