Sunday, March 27, 2011

SEX and CANDY (Not a lot but a little of everything...)

I am coming out of one the best weekends I've had in quite some time. It all started with me seeing my girl, Kai, who has to be my favorite person on the planet. (Oh, by the way, I'm starting with Friday afternoon.)  Then I shot up to Silver Spring to catch-up with my man Charles and the two of us shoot across town to scoop Pretty Phillip in time to meet Kwame back at Charles' house. Hannah rings the phone, at some point between all of this running about, to say hello and, generally, just be nosy -- but, hey, that's what chicks do, right? 

You may ask "Kris, what's so exciting about four dudes getting together?" ...and on the surface sh*t like this happens everyday, I know. What put this gathering over the top is that this is the first time ALL FOUR of us have been in the same room since our Rabaut Junior High School Graduation in '88. Pretty Phillip and I party from time-to-time, and Kwame and Charles kick it together when they can but never have all four been together since the days of Mrs. Scott's Geometry Classes. 25 years of friendship and memories sat in Charles' Basement Family Room. Funny thing is that other than being four highly intelligent kids (We all came together as members of Rabaut's Gifted and Talented Program) we had nothing in common really, and we all had very different personalities. There's Kwame the Lover and B-Baller. He's was knocking down quite a bit of tail ... or at least attracting a lot of tail. Then we have Pretty Phillip whose name says it all. I can't say he was the all around dude because he couldn't/can't play ball. Phil was the pretty dude that could box with the best of them and had more jokes to crack than Eddie Murphy in this prime. The all-round dude was Charles who could box, shoot ball, grab the chicks, and crack a joke or two. I was the artsy dude of the crew. I played in the concert band (and also played piano), was on the track team (I can't play ball very well), and wrote a lot. I had chicks but not very many and they weren't that cute -- I was a late bloomer.  Anyway, we got together, went over old times, drank a LOT of Jack and Hen Dog, and cracked a lot of jokes. I learned a lot like in the Human League's song "Fascination" ... no sh*t. I had no idea Pretty Phil and his fiancĂ©e have matching toes rings, or Charles and Courtney are the Russell and Kimora Lee Simmon's of D.C. all tricked out with a nanny and Ninetendo Wii. True story. Kwame is afraid to get a Facebook Page because ... well, he IS Kwame. But at least he's not spilling volcanic hot winter beverages on this feet anymore so he can miss 8 weeks of classes.  All-in-All it was a wonderful evening partying, mutual respect and admiration, and good times! 

Charles, Kristien, Kwame, and Pretty Phil
  The next day was a day of recovery until I got call telling me my favorite person in the world, Kai, is coming over to chill for a few minutes. That few minutes turned into several hours of good music, drinks, dominoes, food, and family. My oldest sister made it over and it was just a good time to be alive. 

TODAY, I'm invited to a good old soul food dinner at a relatives' house and I am sure that there will be libations. Even though the weather hasn't been perfect this weekend the company has! Ayo, Chuck, hook me up with that fine nanny of yours, bruh! ...REAL TALK! *laughing*  

So, in between all of the love, partying, drinking, illegally downloading music, and getting the brush-off from Mimi and Hannah, I spoke with my man Carlton via Google Chat. Carl want's an "open-relationship" with his girl and asked me what would be a good way to put this request to his honey. Carl, read on, my man ... read on. 

You make her No. 1, but you don’t want her to be the only one.Open relationships offer sexual variety with other people, which immediately sells you on the idea, but what about your girlfriend? Having an open setup could result in the relationship breaking up. Hey, some relationships just don’t make it once they’ve tried the open road. If you have breakup on your mind, perhaps ending the relationship is your best bet rather than suggesting you widen the playing field a little.

However, if you want to keep your relationship a priority in your life, but you just want to have some new experiences, perhaps you’ll be one of the lucky ones who finds that bringing outsiders into your relationship will add some spark to it.  It’s good to bear in mind that for an open relationship to work, both parties have to be keen on the idea. When trying to awaken your girlfriend’s interest in open relationships, here are some ways to go about it, main man. 

Plant The Idea

Instead of focusing on your needs, let her be introduced to the idea of open relationships in a more objective way. During a hot night together, why not suggest renting an erotic movie or two? No shit. Don't laugh this works! Choose movies that involve threesomes and try to find quality porn that has a bit of a story line if possible, especially since a huge chunk of erotic films out there are not always liked by women. (Note: Avoiding porn that features facials or other acts she’ll view as degrading is also a must.)
Watching a steamy flick together won’t only add some spice to your sex life now, but it could also make her turned on by what she sees, thereby planting an idea in her mind that she might want to take further.

Encourage The Fantasy

Now it’s up to you to encourage her wildest dreams. Often, the best sexual communication occurs outside of the bedroom, so take some time to share your erotic fantasies with your girlfriend and let her do the same. This is a great way to nurture trust in your relationship, but it also encourages her fantasies to become reality. For instance, if she tells you that she has previously fantasized about sex with another person, hear her out and encourage her to describe it to you. Once her mind is open to the thoughts, her body is more likely to follow.

Hang Out With Swingers

Taking things to the next step can involve hitting some swingers’ clubs to meet swingers who are fun, young females. Your girlfriend will see that the act of meeting and picking up swingers is definitely not the same as asking someone out on a date. There’s no trying to get swingers interested in who you are; rather, it’s all about having a sexual experience and then moving on to others. Period. This is sure to put your girlfriend’s mind at ease: Swinging is carefree and noncommittal. You leave your emotions at the door while gaining sexual stimulation. Trust me on THIS one! ;-)  

The bonus? There’s no guilt of going behind your partner’s back or betraying them with your cheating ways because it’s all out in the open. Oh, BEHAVE! Yeah, baby! :-D   

Sell The Benefits

One of the biggest mistakes men make when suggesting an open relationship to their girlfriends is that they focus on what they want and completely forget that she has to be on the same page for it to work.

But if a salesman is going to sell you a new body lotion, he’s not only going to tell you what its benefits are, he’s also going to show you how it’s better than the current one you’re using. So, when discussing open relationships with your girlfriend, focus on how the change to your relationship can benefit you both more than your current setup. For instance, she can still reap the benefits of your current relationship, but she doesn’t have to feel sexually limited; she can take that career opportunity overseas without carrying the emotional baggage of the relationship. Find the good things that an open relationship can bring to your lives. If she sees this for herself, she’s more likely to become interested in giving it a try. 

Make It About Sex

It has been said that when it comes to infidelity, women are more likely to have emotional affairs whereas men focus on the sexual satisfaction. This backdrop of information shows you the glaring truth: Often, women will associate sex with something more emotional, or they think that sex will lead to love. This could be the undercurrent that is preventing your girlfriend from wanting an open relationship as her fears could include the thought that you’re going to be falling in love with the new women you’re sexual with.

My girl Kelly ... Good Peeps! 

Be Open

You have to nip this one in the butt, Dude. Ensure she knows your relationship is the sexual and emotional priority -- the main act. All extras in the movie are there for purely sexual adventures. If you keep the emotional stuff out of the equation, she will not see it as a threat, and the good times can keep on, er, coming.

Well, that's all I have for now, friends! Gonna throw on some fly sweatpants and sneakers and head out to this dinner shortly but not before I have a cream lager and catch some of the game. Stay Groovy and God Bless. As always, shoot me an email, Tweet, or Facebook Message if you have any comments or gripes. 

Your Old Pal,

The Hedonist