Monday, March 7, 2011

Friends and Fuck Buddies - The Smartphone Experiment

Okay, I'm really sorry for the slow turnaround on the blogs that I promised you guys a week ago but between family, business, and good fashioned procrastination I became the victim of a series of unfortunate events. One of which is the damn internet went down ... Whoda thunk it? So I'm currently working off of my smartphone, please have some patience, friends. 

My sister, Sharon and I have some interesting conversations -- there's never a boring moment at any point in our exchanges. An often hotly debated topic in our conversations is this blog and how I can improve it. Well, it's often what SHE thinks will improve the blog and increase readership. Here's a glimpse of last Thursday's conversation:

"I'm feeling the blog, Bro, it's just that you don't do enough for the females. Everything is from a man's point of view... put something out there for the sista's!"

"Obviously, Sis, you haven't gone through the archives, I'm always writing sh*t the ladies ... if anything, the fellas aren't getting enough shine!" 

"Maaan, you should be writing something in the vein of 'How to spot a good woman' or 'What type of guys to avoid'" 

"Well, Oprah, there ARE NO good women running about in abundance so they're hard to spot ... sorta like Bigfoot. I may write something on the latter though" 

"I mean can you give the ladies something?"

"Whatever. I got you."

You see the shit I go through just to appease the masses? You ask and I do. :-/

Well, initially, I felt like an ass blogging something peeping chicks to game but then, after some thought, I realized that I'm not peeping game -- I'm peeping chick to dudes that give the game a bad name. After all the game is to be sold not told, correct? Anyway, I've decided to give the fellas some time-tested advice on how to avoid being labeled as a "jerk", "player", "loser', "pushover", etc. Even though today's women have some absurd expectations we can't live without them. It's like women are so demanding these days that some of the shit they demand seems delusional. Six-figure job? Check. Car? Check. Posh Crib? Check. AND a 11inch Dick? Baby, I'm a couple inches short but I make a mean plate of lamb chops. 

My new wife ADELE! Don't Sleep...

No matter how long you have been with your girl, odds are you have made a mistake. I’m not talking about a f*ck up, like cheating. I’m talking about critical miscues along the way that can doom things. Relationships can be very taxing on everyone, however, to avoid any unneeded stress, make certain you don’t do the sh*t I illustrate below.

Over promising and Under delivering.
This one usually happens in the very beginning. If you don’t keep it 100 with your girl from the start of the relationship, you may be setting yourself up to fail. Women want to be with a man they can see a realistic future with. You may have grand dreams of running a Fortune 500 company, or buying that 6000 square foot mansion in Miami. However, if you are currently living with mom and unemployed when you meet her, sell her on your personality and who you are as much as who you could become. I mean a job helps things immensely but you can only work with with you're working with, Champ.

Picking a Trophy Wife.
This is something that all brothas may want to do, and some get the luxury of having it. Be careful what you ask for though, as everything comes with a price. The beautiful eye candy on your arm is alluring to look at, but if she has no aspirations or goals other than spending your money, what do you really have? As I said in a blog last year, some chicks clean-up real well and judging a book by it's cover can lead you in the direction of heartache. I, presently, am sitting somewhere now scoping this sweetie that would be called a "Plain Jane" by Jane herself. But I know in a nice black or dark chocolate dinner-dress, Gucci Heels, and some of that Chanel Envy she can take Ozio's or U. Street by storm ... on MY arm of course. ;-D

Losing Yourself / Being a "YES" Man.

This tends to happen in women, but some brothas allow themselves to get lost in the sauce too. The man you are today should only be enhanced by your girl. There are still women that think they can change a man. If you are dealing with one of them, good luck. Also, there is a such thing as being too nice. It can also be called being a push over. No woman should get what they want from you every single time. Having your girl know that the word “NO” is in your vocabulary will help you in the long run.

Jealous One’s Envy.
I remember talking to a friend of mine about why he started dating this one particular girl, just a month after getting out of a 2 year long relationship. His answer was subtle and simple, because he wanted to make the ex jealous. See, the ex knew who this new girl was, and the ex also watched every comment and status update he made on his Facebook page. The moment he changed his status from “single” to “in a relationship”, she unfriended him. Mission accomplished in his eyes but how dumb is that? You're essentially using this girl for sake of making your old one jealous ... what part of the game is that? I am no angel and have never claimed to be anything near and an angel. Frankly speaking, I just may be the father of all scoundrels, but I've never been one to play one woman against the other for any reason. I get my mind right, money right, and move on.

The Sex.
We all have needs, and if you hook up with someone who can take care of yours, you are in business. If you are dealing with a woman that has the body of a goddess, the head game of a pornstar, and can make you hit high notes you never thought possible, it’s amazing what you will put up with in the relationship. She might not be able to cook, never gets to places on time, and vaguely remembers the last conversation you had, but all of that is secondary, right? Snap out of it, Bro! Sex is a important part of any intimate relationship but if you want long-term stability you have to look beyond the physical and broaden your gaze.

The Benefits.
Some women will give their man whatever they need, whether it’s loaning him a few dollars to pay an unexpected bill, or taking care of his car note for a few months while he went to school(true story). For some guys, relationships can be very beneficial financially, and if they are due to gain substantially by being with a woman, odds are they are sticking it through. But don't let a woman's generosity become your crutch or safety net, remember that you are still a man, and a man get his own.

Allowing 3rd Parties to dictate your relationship.
This could be in the form of her mother, grandmother, best friend, sister, etc. Any person(man or woman), who can influence your girl in your relationship as much as you may cause issues down the road. The last thing you want is a power struggle between yourself and your girl’s best friend over anything ... because you will more than likely lose.

Composing a blog on a smartphone is a pain in the ass, my friends. I shall continue when I reach my humble abode...

The Hedonist