Monday, March 21, 2011


I hate a LOT of things about Blogger but one of the things that I love is that I can compose a blog, schedule a time for release, and go on about my business. So, as you read this, I’m having a pint of Beck’s Dark, Curry Lamb, and Salad. The guys at Google are some of my favorite people in the world -- even though the Blogger App. for Android is shitty.

So, I’m lounging around the crib, doing something close to nothing, but different than the day before, and the phone rings. It’s my main man Daniel illegally driving and talking on his cell phone as usual. Here’s the convo:

“Kris, what’s good, dude?”

“Nada, lounging … I’m thinking about hanging out with May later this evening out at the Chilli’s @ Pentagon City, that’s all. What about you?”

“Not a whole lot … might go to the Golf Shop then stop past Tropicana to get something to eat on the way in. Say, whatever happened to that chick, Angela who was on the internet, the one with those deep blue eyes?”

“I don’t know, playa.  I tried to put a bug in her ear and she swears it’s not her … I did my part. I’ll check on her.”

So I go to my Facebook Page to see how she is making out and probably put a call in to her later on that evening. For the sake of the blog we’ll call her Angela Warren. Anyway, to my surprise, Angela had deleted me from her Facebook Page! :-O Wtf? Why she would do such a thing, you ask?

Read on...

I was sitting in one of my favorite watering holes a little over a month ago when Daniel hits me up and tells me that one of my girls, “the one with the REALLY blue eyes” he says, is on an adult website, in a homemade sex-video, giving a black dude head. I tell Danny that could be only one of two people -- Kennedy or Angela Warren.  Danny assures me it’s her and proceeds to send me the file. Now here’s where it gets funky. Me being THE FRIEND that I am immediately contacts Angela and the conversation goes like this:

“Angela, are you busy?”

“No, what’s up?”

“Can I ask you a private question?”

“Sure, go ahead, Kris”

“Have you made any home sex tapes lately? I know it’s none of my business but I’m asking you for a reason”

“No, I’ve never made a sex tape … Not that I know of”

“Well, there’s a sex video with you … uh, a woman that looks JUST LIKE you circulating the on the web, Angela. She has the same hump in the nose; same haircut; she’s chunky and she has the exact same eyes color, babes”

“No, I’ve never knowingly been taped”

“Well, this girl actually adjusted the video camera on the nightstand … AND she has the same TATTOOS in the SAME PLACES!” **Crickets**

“It’s not me, Kris, but send me the video … just to make sure” [<~~ You all can laugh if you want … I know I did]

“If it’s not you why do you want me to send you the video?”

“I just want to see … maybe I can tell them to take it down because it looks like me.”

“Sure. whatever you do is your business … but remember that you have a 12 year-old daughter. But it’s doesn’t matter since you are absolutely sure it’s not you, Angela”


Now my question is: Did I do something wrong? Why would Angela boot me from her friend’s list? Was she embarrassed? Could I have handled it differently? As I said to her, what she does is her business … I was only trying to give her a head’s up (No pun intended). I have to admit that I was slightly annoyed that she tried to play me for a duck though. Look, I can go for the same haircut and flabby arms, friends. I can even go for the same hair color and eyes. I might go for the same nose with the same hump, but the EXACT SAME TATTOOS IN THE EXACT SAME PLACES?!?  The fact that Angela ... uh, the woman adjusted the cam shows she KNEW the cam was rolling! :-/ In addition, Angela is notorious for sending freaky photos of herself to one’s mobile phone (and by the 5's & 10's); so it’s not far-fetched that she would step her game up to home video. Now taking her act worldwide is another thing but I’m sure she has no reservations putting herself on cam. But that’s neither here nor there.  I’m wondering does my bringing her screen debut to her attention warrant my Facebook dismissal, even though I was just concerned that her daughter may get wind of it. What could I have done better? *sighing*

Comments from the guys AND the girls are welcome (especially the girls). Angela, since I know you’re reading this, I only meant well … I wish you and your daughter the best. I would only suggest that you be more careful when doing shit like making home sex tapes though -- you have a daughter to think of.  Or, if it isn’t you, hire the A-Team or James Bond to capture, torture, and kill that clone of you that the aliens made, Chica! She’s good but it’s not a good look for you living in such a small town.  ...I ain’t sayin’, I just sayin’. :-/  

God Bless and Stay Groovy,

The Hedonist


BTW - I'm starting a new series (e.g. Friends and Fuck Buddies and So I didn't go to church today) titled "Bootleg Adults", friends. They will chronicle my one-on-one interaction with fools, player-haters, and people who lack judgement like Angela W. I hope you continue to enjoy and give me feedback. Love you guys! <3 

It's not a game!