Monday, January 10, 2011

The Hedonist's 2011 REFRESHED Facebook Etiquette Manual for Dummies!!

Are YOU addicted to Facebook?

It's 2011 and it STILL simply baffles me as to why there are so many adults that don't have the slightest idea how to conduct themselves on the social networking sites. Myspace and Blackplanet don't count as they are mostly for kids, teens, aspiring artists, hook-ups, and booty calls.  On Twitter you get so much coarse language and drama you'd think you were watching an episode of The Wire. It's also turning into a hook-up device also but that's another blog for another day.

Note: Below is a scenario from last year when I originally posted this manual.

So, I am on a video conference call with some cats from the CDC and U.S. Family Planning when I get a FB Update on my Droid. Needless to say that I didn't check it out at that particular moment due to the ongoing working situation. Several hours pass and now I'm playing around with my phone. I open the Facebook Application and see that a "friend" submitted TWO off-colored comments on a post that had absolutely nothing to do with them. The post was a joke that was intended for four buddies in particular. I'm not gonna say that I was vexed BUT my blood started to simmer just a little. I'm thinking do I delete this idiot, do I inbox the person, or should I let it go?

While the offense wasn't one that warranted getting the Facebook Ax , it certainly lingered in the gray area.  I've known this person for 16 years and, believe me, they are never wrong. So inboxing (is that a word) this person and stating my grievance would be a futile effort; the inbox is NOT the answer. Well, how about just letting it go, that's an idea! No can do. If I don't address the infraction this cat will think it's cool to run a muck on anyone's post and place their opinion where it doesn't belong. No, it's time to dust-off Kristien's trusty and time-tested FACEBOOK ETIQUETTE MANUAL FOR DUMMIES.

Now I've updated and shared this trusty guide for treading lightly three times (and, obviously, folks STILL are not READING WITH UNDERSTANDING) with my Facebook Family. Now, for YOUR enjoyment, The Hedonist's Facebook Etiquette Manual for Dummies.

1.When someone changes their Facebook relationship status do not post questions or comments on their wall.

2.Do not use your status message to have a passive aggressive argument with someone or to take a very immature side shot at someone. (I have encountered this problem and it's annoying as people think it's a clever thing to do, while in reality they end up looking silly and childish)WE ALL are guilty of committing this Facebook Sin, lets quit cold-turkey in 2011.

Helpful Tip: If you believe you are the recipient of status message shit-talk here's what you can do: In your main timeline, where the friend or relative's post is listed. Go to the upper right-hand corner and click on the "X" and you can hide their postings in your time-line. This way their immaturity, bad karma, and negative energy doesn't permeate your positive flow, and they are none the wiser. I've done this to several people and believe me it makes Facebook a MUCH better place for me. Because, at the end of the day, who cares about our petty squabbles with friends and "relatives"? Facebook is supposed to be a positive place of networking and reunion's. 

3.If you don’t like someone on your buddy list for whatever reason, delete them and block them if necessary.

This also something that bugs me, Gang... if you don't like a person or vice versa DELETE them! Don't silently check their notes, relationship status, and daily posts you loser. YOU HAVE THAT MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS? Go to UMUC or Phoenix Online and get some business to attend to, loser. Facebook isn't going anywhere, but the folks pages that you are silently checking are being productive and doing things with their lives while you sit and watch.

4.Do not add people you don’t trust to your Facebook if your activity on Facebook is very private in nature. Also, to be on the safe side, DELETE people that you have fallen out of favor with. You would be surprised at the levels people stoop to for revenge when they've lost your favor.

5.Be careful with adding job networks and adding your actual company when you are one of those people with thousands of friends that you do not know.

6.If you are at or are going to a private function, do not announce it or the details of the function on Facebook if you wouldn’t want someone to coincidentally show up at said function. (Read: Baby Momma, Wife, Baby Daddy, Hubby, Jump-Off, Auntie, Dude you owe money to, or co-worker who's fiancĂ©e you screwed at the company Christmas Party) 

7.Be mindful of posting about how much you love someone, some people on your friends list could be miserable or haters. 

8.Do not continuously invite people to join your page if they have rejected the request.

9.Use the Hide feature to hide any status messages that are particularly obnoxious.

See Above - #2

10.Do not lie about your relationship status and be as transparent as possible with your page. If you are having to hide this or that from particular people, rethink your transparency and/or if that person should be on your list. Another option is to simply make your relationship status private. I mean, really, it's yours and your significant other's business only, right?

11.If you post foolishness on someone's page, don't take it personally when they delete it. Please, INBOX a person and ASK THEM if they play Mafia Wars or Fishville. You would expect the same from another person.

12. If you comment on someone else's post KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT! There may be a PRIVATE JOKE or something going on that you are not privy too. 

12b. DO NOT comment with crass or off-colored language on ANOTHER PERSON'S POST. It's immature and classless (is that a word?), and I will delete any "friend" who does it from here on in.

13. If you are gonna STEAL someone's status message/witty saying pls. note your source. Better yet, ASK FIRST before you go posting someone elses stuff. I have this problem quite often on FB and Twitter.

14. Once again, FACEBOOK IS NOT eHARMONY, MATCH.COM, OR BLACKPEOPLEMEET! Don't peruse your friend's pages for perspective dates and booty calls. It's tacky and shows that you have NO GAME!

15. If you have a heavy discussion or something important to tell a friend or relative INBOX them or have a code word. Do not post personal things on your friend's page for the world to see. Two of my sisters and I use this message method quite often.

16. If you're going to promote an artist, event, party, porn site, etc. have your OWN STYLE. Lexus doesn't do the same commercials a Land Rover, so you shouldn't use your buddies style as that is tacky also.

17. Keep beefs that you may have at home, school, work, happy hour, and in the street in those respective places. No one wants to hear your baby daddy isn't paying child support or your girl is giving blow jobs to the dude in the mailroom. Facebook isn't "As the World Turns".

Note: This is a working document so more will be added as necessary and as they are thought of just inbox, comment, or email me. Cheers!!

Your Old Pal,

The Hedonist <~~ EMAIL