Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Friends and Fuck Buddies - You're Damned If You Do...

The 2011 Prototype Cougar ... Gotta have one!

Guess who's back and better than ever! Yes, my little hedonists, you have overcome for I have returned. I just can't understand women at all. They are peculiar creatures to say the least. You all say that you want "love", a "committed relationship", a "family", et cetera but, in reality, you have no idea what you aspire to in terms of a relationship. Take my man Christopher, he has been interested in a particular girl for two years. 2011 comes in and after an extensive phone conversation they decide to take a shot at it (a relationship). Well, low and behold, the girl he's been after for two years flakes-out on him and becomes distant AGAIN, as he expected.  Old Boy even trekked to Whole Foods a brought rations for two intimate dinners! I know, he's a damn dummy. But what can ya do? Christopher can't force this chick to be forthcoming and show mutual interest even though she SAYS she likes him. 

People, I can go on and on with examples of female flakiness but it would be like beating a dead horse. Like my man Plug Two of De La Soul fame said, "Love ain't nothin' but emotion and game" and that's some true shit. So, with that said, Plug Two's statement leads me to Treach's (Naughty By Nature) statement "There's no room for relationships it's just room to hit it!" ... Thanks, Treach, you have MY VOTE for induction into The Hedonism Hall of Fame in Rio De Janeiro, Brasil. I, myself, am at the age and maturation level that I want a monogamous, intimate relationship that will lead to marriage. But with debacles like the one with Christopher running rampant who wants to be a part of that sort of madness? If the attraction isn't mutual, one should let the other know what the deal really is, and not waste the time of another 30-something adult. *sighing* Just my two cents, groovy people ... just my two cents. 

Random Rant:

Now I really didn't want to get to the meat of this particular installment without the input of good friend, school teacher, and fellow music guru and master blogger Kalina (, but Kalina has yet to get back to me LIKE SHE SAID she would. So, friends, we are forced to move-on without the lovely Kalina's valuable input. Kalina (and I speak for all of my readers), we hope there's a worm in your apple tomorrow in class. *laughing* We kid because we love, Chica! :-P 

Truly masters of their art-form!

While conceptualizing this particular installment's content I figured I would enlist some help from my friends. Why not? A lot of them are weekly readers who give me honest, constructive feedback on what I put out to the masses. Anyway, I'm thinking about the blog's content, curvy women, and the timeless statements made by Plug Two and Treach and decide to drop this as my status message:  So I need help. What are your views on first date sex? All input is welcomed and will be put into the blog in some form or fashion. Comment or Inbox. I trust everyone is safe at home or work. Stay groovy, be peace, and God Bless! ♥ ;O)

Needless to say I got an amalgamation of responses in my inbox and posted to my wall. Here are some of them:

"I feel that it is a personal decision, but either way there will be consequences, good or bad."

"Definitely a no. Unless you are both after a one night stand ONLY"

I disagree. Why not Yes? What about sexual chemistry? To people already know (before the date) if that's what they want....maybe you can knock it out, get that hurdle jump and then focus on their last name. Lol, we've all had 'em"

"if the mood is right and the guy don't say anything the f*&% the mood up of course...."

"Well, I think there's nothing wrong with SAFE first date sex as long as somebody goes home afterwards."

""you can have whatever you like" we are all adults here... rules smoolzes!!!"

"ahhh, just one word, NO"

"Sometimes the chemistry is that overwhelming. But its hard for a relationship to develop when it starts wit sex"

"ok... my take on first date sex.... I MUST be physically attracted to the person to fuck him or her! But personally, I think that if you get that awkward first time out of the way, it makes other encounters flow a lot easier. Just my opinion. =)"

See? We have a couple of opinions on opposite ends of the argument and a couple somewhere in the middle, so who is correct? Read on...

How can ya lose?
Disclaimer: This advice is for those who WANT TO PURSUE A LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP WITH A WOMAN. Otherwise, have at it and ALWAYS practice sex with a reputable, latex condom. I prefer Magnums (get at me ladies! ;-D ).

The broad's hot, you’re eager and there’s so much sexual tension, you are one Ciroc and Papaya Juice (don't bite!) away from suggesting you go back to your crib. Stop. It actually could be better if you don’t see each other naked on the first date. No, really, no bullshit. Not only will she be flattered that you don’t see her as nothing but a piece of ass, but keeping your pants on could be good for you too (Look, I'm NOT crazy). So if you’re interested in pursuing a relationship with her, it’s probably in your best interest to take that cold shower.

Here are some reasons a first-date fuck isn't always a good thing. 

Waiting Creates Anticipation

In our quick-fix society, anticipation has been shoved away in favor of immediate pleasure. But waiting a little longer before having sex in a romantic relationship is important because it gives you something to look forward to. If you enjoy the main prize of sex on a first date, you’re starting the process back to front. It’s quite an anticlimax to get to know each other after you’ve already had sex. Some may disagree (me included but what do I know?) with this statement but it's something to think about.

Waiting Creates Challenge

If you don’t let yourself get hot and heavy right away, you can create challenge. This means letting her do some work in chasing you, as well as moving slowly and then holding back a bit so that her interest is raised. It doesn’t take a genius to see how this strategy could be ruined by having sex too quickly. If you indulge in first-date sex, you’re showing her you’re very interested right off the bat, which makes it more difficult to be a bit distant afterward if you are keen on pursuing a real relationship. It could also make her think a relationship with you is a done deal (you know how some women still view sex as synonymous with coupledom), and the bitch may be crazy ... think GLENN CLOSE. 

Waiting Shows You Don’t Think She’s A Slut

If you’re quick to show her the way to your bedroom, she might think you view her as nothing but a cheap date (whick some are). She’ll think you see her as someone who does this with all the men she meets(which she may). And chances are, she’ll be right. So hold off on sex for now. Although she’s attracted to you, ultimately she wants to know you respect her and are interested to know more about her than how she looks naked.

Waiting Keeps You Interested

Not only does anticipation go AWOL after you have sex on the first date, but chances are your interest will take a dive too. You might not even feel the need to get to know her once you’ve had sex, and so gone is the interest in trying to see if you’d work as a couple. If you press pause on sex for a while, you give yourself a chance to get to know her when lust is not clouding your vision. Then sex becomes the reward for keeping that interest burning.
The Hedonist has a few more reasons why first-date sex should be turned down

More masters of their craft!

Waiting Shows You’re A Gentleman

Chivalry in the form of throwing your jacket over puddles to prevent your lady from getting her shoes wet may have left the dating scene long ago, but avoiding first-date sex is right up there with the greats. Suggesting sex after knowing her a few hours makes her feel you’re only after one thing, you don’t respect her or you’re the Don Juan of the town. Talk about a turnoff if she’s keen on a relationship that lasts longer than one night.

Waiting Gives You Time To Evaluate Her

Since you’ve just met her, you don’t really know her other than some things about her life, interests and job. If you add carnal knowledge to the list too quickly, you miss out on other crucial info you should be spending sex time trying to discover. For instance, is she a crazy chick who is going to assume that you’re a full-fledged couple after you’ve had sex? Will she turn into a human version of Velcro the morning after? It’s important to know her vibe before you take her to the next level, in order to avoid bad sex complications. 

Good Things Come To Those Who Wait

Sex is important in a relationship; there’s no doubt about it. But making a slow transition to sex will result in an even more mind-blowing experience when the full act does happen. By then you’ll know if you’re in sync with each other, you can suss out the chemistry, and sex can become something that cements your relationship even more. So if she’s a woman you’d like to call your girlfriend in the near future, wait sex out a little longer, Big Pimpin'. It’ll pay off.

I don't give a damn what YOU GUYS say,
I'm pondering giving it to Barbra Streisand's
old ass -- saggy boobs and all. Bugatti Veyron

So there it is ... several reasons NOT to have sex on a first-date IF you are trying to pursue a committed, monogamous relationship. If you're not trying to get into anything serious or long-term (THERE ARE "long-term" fuck-buddies, you DO know that, right?") perhaps PROTECTED first-date sex is acceptable. Whatever floats your boat is what I say. 

Nevertheless, shoot me some feedback on the subject matter and what you like and DON'T LIKE about the blogs in general. Oh, and scroll-up and hit my girl Kalina's Blog up too! I added a bunch of you to my (our) Secret Facebook Group "Blog Readers". You can post your comments there too, and YOUR OWN BLOGS when you decide to post online.  Well, stay groovy, be peace, and God Bless! 

Your Old Pal, 

The Hedonist