Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Friends and Fuck Buddies (Second Entry) - Is your hand in the cookie jar?

*sighing*  Sometimes I can't stand human beings! And don't talk any "Human After All" shit to me because I AM Human After All and I can be angry with you fucks every once and awhile, right? Every time I looked up today I had to straighten someone out, about one thing or another, and give them some direction. This sorta thing can be quite fatiguing which led me to taking a long nap, and this is why I am up now blogging -- I can't sleep worth a lick. Insomnia. :-/

It's quite befuddling to me why people get angry when you point out behavior that is obvious to everyone accept them. I'm getting messages, IM's, texts, Tweets, and smoke signals asking me to reply to a certain email that I received. A couple of the fellas are like "Damn, I would love to know what the incoming email was about, Pat ... slim is all over the place!". My sister and cousin said this was "creepy and obsessive" respectively. Because the thing is, when the email came in I replied that I was busy and I would get back with answers as soon as I could. I finally replied with the answers old girl was seeking and let her know, in a nutshell, to chill out I was busy at the time. You KNOW she took it the wrong way, right? I am caring and empathetic towards ALL people ... I really am. But, in 2011, I have very little time for pointless understandings. She's a wonderful and funny person but gee whiz! Am I wrong? 

This just in: THE HEDONIST HAS A LADY HE REALLY DIGS! No kidding. Okay, I know you say "But your a hedonist, Pat ... you really like every chick you see, fool!" Not true. Curvy is the new...uh, curvy. I like me a curvy woman and every woman that I see isn't curvy. The point is I got my eyes on someone...IF SHE ACTS RIGHT.  <~~She BLEW IT! :-(

Right after Turkey Day -- I can't recall where I was exactly -- I overheard a conversation between a young couple which ended up turning quite volatile. If I remember correctly the young cat was hitting the strip joint downtown every Thursday(which was pay day), with this work posse, watching those asses shake over a plate of chicken fingers. My man! Youth is a wonderful and amusing thing, isn't it? So, Cutie Pie, wasn't too thrilled about his patronage of the establishment and said he was cheating. Yeah, I remember, I was in Chipotle's! Anyway, Young Cat said he was just having some lunch with the fellas and "as long as he wasn't fucking or touching" all should be fine back at the ranch. Cutie Pie exploded. The rest isn't really important or pertinent to where I am going with this, it just made me think "What exactly is cheating in these days and times, Pat?" Hmm... In brief:

  • If you feel you have to keep things secret from your girlfriend, wifey, fianc√©e, wife, you're basically sneaking around. The jump-off doesn't count.
  • PRIVATE relationship statuses isn't cheating; it's maintaining discretion. (I will touch on this later)
  • Going outside of your relationship for sexual excitement is cause for your woman's concern.
In Greater Detail: 

The first thought that comes to mind when someone mentions cheating is probably sex. But cheating can be much more complicated than that. When it comes to emotional cheating, or cybersex, insisting to your girlfriend or wife that you “didn’t even have sex” isn’t exactly going to polish your halo or knob. The playing field has opened up, creating some serious gray areas. Is confiding in a woman other than your partner cheating? Or perhaps that lap dance you enjoyed last night?

Read on to discover if you are, in fact, cheating.

Getting A Lap Dance

You’re out with the boys or at a bachelor party, and a gyrating sex goddess decides to give you a lap dance. It’s a bit of good fun that you enjoyed, and you’d probably do it again in the future if the opportunity presented itself.
Are you cheating? No.
There’s nothing intimate about this 
cheating sign, despite its appearance. It’s along the same lines as a male stripper amusing the girls -- just innocent fun. This woman dances for a living, just for entertainment purposes; it’s not like you were at a club and got seduced by a woman who took you aside and engaged in anything sexual. That, on the other hand, would be a very different is the Champagne Room. 

Hiding Female Friendships

You’re a guy who has female friends who are important to you. However, you don’t necessarily want to talk about your female friends with your girlfriend because she is possessive and might tell you to break off your friendships. By keeping the friendships a secret you can have some bonding time with your female friends and ensure happy dealings with your woman.
Are you cheating? Yes.
Sorry to say, fellas, but you’re basically sneaking around behind your girlfriend’s back.
Hey, I know it's Bro's before Hoes but I gotta be fair. Although it’s not overtly sexual, the fact is you’re still keeping things secret from her. I don’t want to sound like Dr. Phil, but that’s never healthy, because secrecy can be a form of betrayal. You might want to ask yourself what you think you have to hide if you’re hiding friendships from your girlfriend. Be open about your life -- your girlfriend is a part of it, after all -- and if she has her own insecurities, perhaps your secrecy is really a symptom of a bigger problem in your 
relationship that needs working on, such as lack of trust.

Getting Deep With Another Woman ;)

No, not that kind of deep; I mean the talking kind. There are some things you find yourself talking about with another woman -- maybe it’s your relationship, maybe it’s something about your girlfriend that’s frustrating to you. It’s not that you can’t talk to your girlfriend, but some things you just feel more comfortable talking about with people outside of the relationship. It’s no biggie when you confide in one of the guys, so is chatting to a woman on a deeper level a cheating sign?

Are you cheating? No.
Just because you’re talking to another woman, it doesn’t mean that she resembles Eva Longoria or sparks feelings within you. The latter is key, here -- confiding in another woman is not cheating unless you have real feelings for her that are of a romantic nature. That’s where the emotional infidelity comes in. In such a case, then talking can surely lead to other things.

Not Specifying Facebook Relationship Status

Although you’re taken and spoken for, you have not updated your relationship status on Facebook. It still declares to any willing eyes that wish to rove over your profile that you’re a single man.
Are you cheating? No.

Who says you have to let your entire extended network in on your private affairs? A lot of people don’t like to mention too many details about their lives online, and it’s understandable, especially if you have professional contacts or nosy relatives on your friends list (AND I HAVE PLENTY OF BOTH). This isn't a cheating sign; this is simply maintaining a bit of personal discretion.

Dancing Closely With Another Woman

An awesome beat comes on and you find yourself with another woman on the dance floor at a club. You have a good time, but can feel your girlfriend’s jealous eyes on you.
Are you cheating? No.
It’s just a dance, for crying out loud. OK, so maybe it involved some gyrating and closeness, but it’s not like you were stripped down to your underwear. There’s no reason why your girlfriend should get angry over this.

Read on for more of The Hedonist's breakdown of whether you're guilty of cheating or not..

Chat Rooms Or Cybersex

You regularly visit online chat rooms and have conversations (along with some flirting) with various women whom you do not know. Once or twice you might even have had cybersex. It’s no biggie: it’s not like you know these women in real life or actually touched them. So there’s no problem, right?
Are you cheating? Yes.
Although this scenario might first appear to be harmless fun because you’re not physically engaging with the broad, it does classify as cheating because of the following: Firstly, if you’re hiding it from your partner, it’s because you know she’ll be upset. Secondly, you are going outside your relationship for sexual excitement. It might not be physical closeness, but there’s no denying you are sharing 
sexual behaviors.

Hiding Meetings With Your Ex

You and your ex are not romantically interested in each other anymore and sometimes meet up for drinks after work. Purely innocent, yes, but you have not told your girlfriend for the simple reason that you fear she won’t understand.
Are you cheating? Hell Yes.
Regardless of why you have not disclosed the info to your girlfriend, you are doing something that you wouldn’t do with her knowledge.
The secrecy is the problem in this scenario because it’s keeping your wifey in the dark so you can have your cake and eat it too -- even if the cherry on the cake does not include getting to fuck your ex. If you feel guilty about something or you feel the need to hide it, then it’s 
cheating. Period. I mean, you would be livid if wifey was doing the same thing with her ex, am I lying? 

Activities With A Female Friend

You regularly go biking with your female work colleague because you both share a love of the outdoors. You and your best female friend sometimes go to dance class together. Your respective partners do not join you on your excursions.

Are you cheating? No.
Friendships are an important part of life and you can share different kinds of closeness with friends than you do with your partner. Who says your partner has to tag along with you every time you’re spending time with another woman? That’s a dark ages mentality. There’s no harm having some blameless fun with other women and sharing activities with them -- as long as sex is not the shared hobby, of course. ;)

Feeling Attracted To Someone Else

Although you’re happily attached, you can’t help but feel attracted to your colleague or friend. Maybe you ogle her every now and then when she wears that tight dress.

Are you cheating? No.

Just because you’ve admired another woman’s looks or felt a bit of sexual attraction to her, you’re not a cheat for the simple fact that you haven’t done anything more than have a look. If this were cheating, then what about watching porn? Or having a sexual fantasy about a celebrity? Every single attraction to the opposite sex would be considered unfaithful behavior, which would be ridiculous.

Are You Cheating? Ask Your Conscience

Naturally, everyone has differing definitions for cheating. Your chick might have her own ideas about what is and isn’t cheating, so it’s no wonder the issue can lead to some heated, awkward moments.

A good guide is to gauge your own feelings: If you feel guilty about an activity you partook in or feel the urge to cover your tracks, then you’re heading into cheating territory. Now this is a COED LIST, Fellas...the same thing applies to the chicken-heads also. 

Random Rant: Why do people still instant message you when your status indicates that you are "Busy"? There are only two people who can get away with that Mookie, Chelly and, maybe, Kurmit. I see I am going to have to make an example out of one of the prepetrators. *smh* 

So, there it is ... work it out for yourself. Be selective, be Objective, be an answer to the collective. But you know you gotta get a life. ;)  *laughing*  Stay Groovy, God Bless, and Be Peace! 

Your Old Pal,

The Hedonist

PS - I gotta stop this shit...I am gonna be no good to anyone in the a.m. Fuck it. I am gonna make me a half-smoke with all the fixings and watch Beverly Hills Cop.