Sunday, November 28, 2010

So I Didn't Go To Church Today - (The Tale of Red Shoes Cindy)

Pay attention to these kicks while I tell the tale. And if you ever see them coming your way RUN!


Blog under construction... I have a tale to tell you involving a phantom  three-week old infant, Army Sargent, The Maury Show, and a pair of patent leather Nike Air Force One's, so sit tight and be patient.  ;O)   See, I wasn't going to do this... I was gonna be cool. But you ASKED for this one, Ole' Girl. So pull up a chair and sit down because I'm about to tell ALL of your business!                 

Sunday, November 21, 2010

So I Didn't Go To Church Today (Assuming makes an ASS0...

There are times that I truly believe that my escapades and misadventures in dating could be made into a three-part trilogy along with the Matrix, Godfather, and Toy Story... no shit. While completing one of my better Sunday evening listening mixes, before heading out, I was reflecting on the events of the past week. And the mix is the bomb-diggy! I have jams like Madonna “Crazy for You”, Sly and The Family Stone “If you want me so stay”, Lisa Stansfield (who is my baby mama) “All Woman”, Maxwell “Sumthin' Sumthin', The Rolling Stones “Start Me Up” and “Let's Spend The Night Together, Swing Out Sister, Billy Ocean, and tons of other fly shit.

Side Note – I've made it a policy not to name names or refer to any specific person unless: 

1) You're someone like Tre or Sharon (two of my sisters) who don't mind. 

2) Your transgression with me was so egregious (Fat Heidi, look the word up...I don't have time to explain!) that I HAD to speak on it in a public forum for therapeutic reasons and let Earth's resident's know how much of a lame and trifling you are. 

3) I got permission from the person directly. 

 I say this because you can't imagine the number of text messages, IM, and emails I received after last week's blog. “Kris, I know you weren't talking about me, were you?” or “Why would you put me out there like that, we aren't friends any longer?” Did I? Which number were you? ;-P **laughing** Stop it! Unless I name names my rantings don't apply to you. Read and move on.

My friend, Robert Greene, said it best in his book The 48 Laws of Power. Ladies and Gentlemen, Bobby Greene: “Words have the insidious ability to be interpreted by ones moods and insecurities” Did everyone catch that? Ones MOODS and INSECURITIES. Now those of you who are my FB see my status messages on a daily basis. And you, my FB Friends and Readers, know that I have written a list of Facebook Etiquette Rules (which I will re-post or you can scroll and find it for yourself) that I follow to the last comma and period. I don't do the status message wars, or publicly call out or offend folk on my page. When I post something it's usually motivational or dry-humor or something witty. What's the point doing shit like that (blasting people)? More often than not the person ends up looking stupid and in need of attention – on some 'ole woe as me madness. But by me being this way, I detest when folk post little subliminal shit meant for me knowing I won't engage in a status message war. If you have something to say to me be an adult and pick up the phone to call me or come see me. Don't be a coward and post it for your friends, admirers, and chat buddies to comment when they don't know even 1/3 of the situation.

Random Rant: I guess my home slice, The Great Gazoo, was somewhat prophetic in what he was saying last week. I won't give him the satisfaction of telling him he may have been right nor will I tell him what it is. I will just say that you might have touched on something, Gazoo.

So I was supposed to hang out with a friend for the past 8 days but between business, work, family, stress, Youtube, and sleep things had yet to come to fruition. No one's fault in particular, things just happen in the course of human events. Between my homie working nights, kids, going on dates, chatting on Blackplanet, Yahoo and Facebook, and whatever else they do with their time, things have been chaotic for my homie also. Even Chelly will tell you that we have this same problem also, but she is more of the playa-playa type so I come AFTER hot dates, Family Guy, and Choir Practice... I get the cheap wine and curry in small portions these days. C'est La Vie, I guess. **Laughing** Anywho, we planned to get together, hang-out on the town, bar-hop, and find some trouble before Homie goes into work that night. The previous night a bunch of us partied until, perhaps, 5-515am about 40mins. North of the city (actually, about 13mins from homies house... I'm telling you this for a reason). So I'm texting back and forth with Homie, for 20-25mins, while coming back down the BW Parkway, trying to solidify plans. We agreed to a time a little past noon the upcoming day to meet – I was to drive back to Baltimore to pick Homie up. I hope that you guys are taking note of the logistics of the impending rendezvous. I'm in your suburb at 6 am. Our meeting is in 6 hours. I'm about to drive BACK to DC then drive BACK to Bmore to pick YOU up to drive BACK to DC. Now, being the friend that I AM, I would have said “Homie, you're buzzed and around the corner... come crash on the couch and we will just leave for DC tomorrow, since you're here anyway, Playa!” ...but that's just how me and inner-circle think and act towards friends.


Side Note: I have an insane amount of respect for this person so I don't understand were the disconnect continues to comes in. What am I missing here. Please give me some feedback, Gang.


Well, your boy got home safe (The Sun was coming up) and went to sleep. Upon awakening I had a monster hangover and bubbly stomach, so I contact Homie and let them know what the deal is. I told them that I was gonna lay back down for a while but we were still on and poppin'! Homie agreed and hung up.  I slept much longer than expected... who knew? I check my text messages and have three borderline-shitty but definitely sarcastic messages from homie (as I took them), along with a similar voice message. I reply apologizing for oversleeping and leaving things open … no response. Later, I log-on to Facebook only to find my time-line sprinkled with sarcastic shit that Homie has posted in their status box directed at yours truly! WTF?!? I'm a “chump” now, eh? Wow! There was also some other slick comments posted but I wont air the business out because that's not how I flow. As much as I want to go into specifics (Lord, it's killing me, PLEASE!), that's just not my bag and this person isn't an enemy... lets just hope things don't change. It seems that this person took something that I posted in my status box waaaaaaay out of context – as if my statement was meant to be malicious. As if I was being INSIDIOUS in what I wrote, you know?

Look, Homie, I'm not a child nor am I a CHUMP. If I had a gripe with you I would have addressed you personally and not call you names on a web-site to get a Amen or chuckle out of my friends. I really don't care what you do WITH WHO or move on to, or if you're naughty or nice – it doesn't weight that much to me. Believe me, friend, as my friends will attest to this: If Kristien wanted to air you out publicly, Kristien would devote part of or an entire blog with images and all; I wouldn't do it on Facebook to get a “that's what's up” or “Amen”... it's first-class only. I'm no longer peeved at the situation but I had to speak my displeasure with your actions. We can move on or you can move out of my circle. “One monkey don't stop no show” as the Old Timers would say.  I love you, Little/Big Homie but you're wrong on this one, but we can let the past be the past. 

I have another FB friend gripe but it was nipped in the bud almost immediately as what she did was petty and childish. I'm sure she could feel a bad moon rising. Emotions and history aside, I was ready to pounce, Gang.  

I don't know, gang, I think I need a hug or something. I've been at the tipping point for three weeks now. I'm almost always a patient and empathetic person but lately I've been off of my square. The Hedonist needs a good woman, good food, and good loving... good holiday loving. 


Side Note -  I was only half-joking, yesterday, when I said there are no good women left anymore. Three of my girls took exception but they knew I wasn't referring to them.  I am talking those that I catch in their falsehoods and fuckery -- they are wannabe pimps.  But to all of those who did take offense you have my apologies IF it doesn't apply to you. Meesh, Micki, Britt-Britt, Steph(Ms. Amazing), Megs, Rebecca, Ebony, Tracey, my sisters, Kimi, Vonda, and Sara... you're the tops and you know this ladies.  I guess my pessimism and overall bad attitude stem from the impending holidays that are upon us. Who knows?

Well, this blog was just “on the spot” emotions and filler to get us on to the festive but serious Holiday Blog coming on Wednesday. I'm gonna lose some friends on this one more than likely but, hey, I'm gonna say what I have to say. Black Woman have been getting away with this fuckery for decades and now's the time to shine a light on the great lie. Stay Groovy and God Bless!! <3 ;O)

All the Best,

The Hedonist


Sunday, November 14, 2010

The Hedonist's (and The Great Gazoo's) Dating Requiem – (Part I : You're Not Wifey Material When...)








So The Hedonist has been in an excellent mood over the past few days. Vivid and wonderful dreams have made the nights more comfortable. Engaging, witty, dynamic, and thought-provoking phone conversations look like they're gonna be a normal and consistent thing. Saturday afternoon trips to Tyson's and Anne Arundel Mills, and Sunday brunches at Ben's and Mad Hatter's are always better with two and JUST us two. “Hold up, Hedonist Baby! Aren't we jumping the gun here? You KNOW know how you quickly tire of monotony, dull-wit, and overall dating fuckery.” See, there you go, Great Gazoo... blowing my natural high. I'm listening all this good music: Zap Mama, Tears for Fears, Maxi Priest, The Family and you gotta come screw it up. Now my damn Cherry Pepsi is getting warm! “Dum-Dum, all I'm saying is don't put the cart before the horse. I haven't heard the word CHEMISTRY one time in your little gay intro, that's all – just you going out and fucking up a whole lot of money on weekends” I wasn't even finished my thought, Gazoo, why don't you go bother Sharon or something? She's not doing anything now more than likely. Man, it's something about that Cuban-French Mix that, as Mint Condition sings, SENDS ME SWINGING! “Remember Lalia Glaskow and Ilene Nunez, Dum-Dum?” To hell with you, Gazoo, stop bringing up old stuff. Moving on, my little hedonists, Gazoo raises (or alludes to) a good point: Chemistry. How do you know when that shiny, new dime-piece (well, at least for me) on your arm is really the one? Maybe not wife material just yet but “WIFEY” material. The type that not only is a mainstay at family functions but gets an extra set of keys to the Batcave (NOT THE TOP LOCK THOUGH...DONT BE A FOOL!), pushes the ride when you're tired from a long-night out and you're drunk, and is the first over when you have that sour stomach, diarrhea, and ferocious headache due to the hangover you have... after she told you not to go to the bachelor party. You know? The type of chick that you leave the bathroom door open and she brings you magazines.

Sara, who has professed her love for me...

Well, have no fear fellow hedonists, your boy has the answers to this problem that grows more complex day after day. Now, I'm not a relationship guru, psychiatrist, marriage counselor, or preacher (See The Tale of Fast Eddie Long below). The basis for the content of this list is only my 30 plus years of life, a few great relationships, several bad relationships, a couple of one-night stands, watching friends crash and burn, and my own meandering life-experience. Nevertheless, this list is time-tested and approved by the Global Free-Love Association of Hedonists®, and put together by Gazoo and Yours Truly! “The GREAT Gazoo, Dum-dum!” ...Shut up!

For your enjoyment and without further adieu: The Hedonist's (and The Great Gazoo's) Dating Requiem – (Part I : You're Not Wifey Material When...)

1.You still share bills (e.g. Sprint, T-Mobile, Car Insurance, Macy's, Weed Man, Etc.) with your Ex-boyfriend and/or Baby Daddy other than child expenses – Get the hell outta here! Either you're Queen Save A Loser, still in love, or just plain stupid. I once dated a chick who moved here from California who was still paying Josh's T-Mobile Bill, Car Insurance, and AOL (they were on the same account). I didn't give a damn what she did with HER money but this still stuck me as bizarre. Here you are telling me you love me but paying this losers bills?!? I almost felt like Sam Rothstein in the movie “Casino”. Needless to say that the relationship didn't work out (but for other reasons) but if your prospective wifey is supporting another man's vice or funding luxuries he should be paying for himself, dump her!


2.You're known as The {insert a social network here} Skank behind your back – Look, I don't judge other people. I subscribe to that “He who is without sin cast the first stone” and “judge not” jaberwocky. But if your prospective wifey is known in social network circles as a “fat whore”, “Home-wrecker”, “desperate winch”, “pressed for a black man” or anything unseemly you might wanna have a discussion with her about her internet behavior or find your wifey elsewhere. I mean people talk and can be hateful. I, myself was the victim of an internet-smear campaign at one point and know how shit can get out of hand. But this is something that you may need to monitor for validity for a short time. I mean we all flirt, correct? We flirt at work, school, Starbucks, church, at weddings, the massage parlor, etc. It's just if she's in the same place, flirting with anyone and everyone she can, then she's obviously looking for something and, if you're smart, not to be fully trusted.


3.You have a **clearing throat** “Home Movie” on Contrastporn.com (not that I've actually BEEN on the site) or a similar such site – See, I have a “friend” who has at least two “home movies” on named site (I've HEARD so... not that I have perused the actual site. :D). Now, I just recently found out about her bedroom adventures and budding film-career; I didn't know while we were screwing around, I would have broken out the Nikon! Sike... dem's just jokes, my friends! Lighten-up. Seriously, even though I shouldn't be surprised (she was sorta in that business...don't ask), I really liked the girl. We are still friends even though her and her two kids have moved farther down south. But what would her kids think about this or her brother? The point I am trying to make is even though the past is the past, and we, as fellas, all desire to be the star of our home-made cinematic masterpiece. Do you REALLY want a girl who'll let you slut her out and skeet on her on front of a video camera (preferably a Nikon :-D)? Remember Kim Kardashian and Eve? Shit like that travels fast and friends and family can be brutal in their joking. And, ladies, guys can be brutal when break-ups occur. You can't imagine HOW MANY of my buddies have shown me “Home Movies” of their Exs directly after they broke-up.  If your girl lets you slut her out on film you should have her for that... slutting her out on video. Real Talk. Because if she's done with you there's more footage out there of her – probably with me as co-star! **laughing** Sike!!


4.You still live with your Ex and/or Baby Daddy or he's just over “cause he has no place to go” – Fellas, fellas, fellas … she says they live together or he drops for the weekend because “he was too drunk to get home” he's tapping your booty. Correction: He's tapping HIS booty as it's on loan to you. I have a good friend who lost his gig as a D.C. Cop behind this type of fuckery (no pun intended). My man was dating an Egyptian chick whose ex-fiancee/baby daddy hadn't “all the way moved all of his stuff out of the condo”. One day, my man had just been reassigned districts to the Northwest 2nd District. Old boy decides to pop-in with some Chipotle and Wine Coolers for lunch. His girl left the door unlocked by mistake (This is Georgetown) so he walks in, and baby daddy is beating that thang up from behind bending her over the mini-bar! Wow. My boy loses it, pulls the Roscoe on the both of them and then thinks better of it and leaves. His suddenly former girl and her baby daddy call the police and press charges. Now he is head of security at a local Best Buy. The point is: It's always better to not put yourself in a situation like that in the first place rather than deal with something like that and try to work it out. Nothing good is ever going to come out of such an arrangement.


5.Your number of sex partners is well into the double-digits – Lets face it, guys: You're not gonna find a virgin out here unless you're some kind of pervert or pedophile, more than likely, or you're in middle-school in which case you should be thinking about that Geometry test not getting booty, young man! In addition, EVERYBODY was, at some point, SOMEONE ELSE's GIRL... it's a fact. YOUR girl, my Cuban-French Mommy, YOUR MOTHER all belonged to multiple men. The brutal fact is someone was screwing your girl BEFORE you – maybe better, maybe not as good but it happened. The dilemma comes about when your girl has fucked 11 guys in college, 8 in high-school, had 3 fiancees in Grad-School ( you KNOW they fucked unless she's Amish), 4 from Ozio's (a lounge/bar/club) ... in the bathroom, 3 she met on AOL and Blackplanet, 1 she met on Match.com, 2 from Facebook, 1 from Myspace, and 2 from Twitter on first meeting. I mean we all like a freak, bruh, but we don't bring her to the Fourth of July Cookout!!! What are you thinking, Main Man? Here's a little test: You're at the point of wifing (is that a word?) this dime-piece but you think the booty has been ran-through more than the Underground Railroad at it's zenith. Say to her, “Hey, baby, we're just talking frankly here. In your 35 years how many guys have you had sex with... and giving him some head doesn't count.” Hell, you can ask this question while you're getting some head if your game is tight. Moving on, if the answer is 9 or less (though the skank is probably lying through her teeth and saliva) that's about the best you're gonna get in these days and times. If the number is around 15 or so? Weeeeeeellllll, you should be able to deal with that because I'm sure (I hope) that you've had more than 15 (since you're a guy). And maybe she likes to screw... so just because she likes to screw doesn't make her a total skank, just YOUR skank. Anything 25 or over run for the hills but stop down on North Capitol or up on Wisconsin Ave. and get your HIV Screening first, Bruh. Real Talk.


6.You tell me that you love me on the first date – This is a sign of neediness and a red flag. I just got a new Android Phone and I am not sure I'm in love with it... and I've had it for two weeks! Trust me, I love romance and fucking-up money (spending it on lavish gifts and dinners). I'm cynical too, but when I fall I fall hard (My girl Brige told me that) and I'm all the way down. But I don't know that I love you after a first date!! There are cases where we've talked, corresponded, texted, and emailed for MONTHS, then finally meet and that instant spark is there. But love at first sight is usually the sight of a needy, emotionally underdeveloped woman.


7.Your Facebook Relationship Status Message reads “Single” or “It's Complicated” and you have a man (or at least telling HIM that. **laughing**) – Question this, fellas... step to her. Do not go for that “I just want OUR BUSINESS to be OUR BUSINESS” or “As long as WE know it doesn't matter, baby” When you hear BS like this, she is either hiding something from you or hiding YOU from someone. Another sign is when she hides her relationship status altogether. I had a girl that was trying to get something started up north who claimed she was single. Lying skank. She's single but she's quietly posting pictures of her and some guys in a hotel room and all kinds of slick shit. Nevertheless, I just let her be slick all by her self up north and moved on. But don't let the wool get pulled over your eyes with the relationship status message thing.


8.You don't maintain a “Mani” and “Pedi” in addition to a “Brazilian” or “Landing Strip” – I'm just talking frankly here... we're all grown, correct. I don't like a mouth full of hair (even though that's some guys bag), gang. This is more of a personal preference than for everyone. But, hey, different strokes for different folks, right? But as for the hands and nails? Women are taught his sorta upkeep at age 11! Sharon says, “Kris, if a chick consistently has dirt under her nails the coochie smells too!” Good catch, Sis! Personally, I don't want a chick with dirty nails making my Turkey Sandwich. For real!


9.You don't like to explore or be adventurous in the sack – Lets face it, guys, SEX is a very important part of any serious relationship. And if the sex is getting stale you're gonna have to spice it up until it becomes red hot again. Now if she doesn't want anything other than “Missionary” or the occasional “Doggie” you guys are gonna have a problem if you're anything like The Hedonist. Monotony leads to becoming bored. Being bored leads to an idle mind. And we all know that an idle mind is the Devil's Workshop (as Aunt Honey used to say). Simply put, if your prospective wifey isn't willing to explore new things means she has a closed-mind and is seeing your relationship in the short-term. Think about it: 30 more years or so of missionary!?! I feel for ya, Bro.


10.You drink more than a 19 year-old college sophmore – I like to get a nice buzz, and I enjoy a woman who'll get my goodness with me. However, if she's drunk before 4pm or you are constantly carrying her outta joints you have a lush on your hands, my man. There's gonna be one day at Thanksgiving Dinner that she's gonna have one too many and all hell's gonna break lose. What's worse is that you're not gonna be invited back next year if you're still with her, Homie. The fire water is good but only in moderation and goes for ANYONE.

Exceptions to the rules:

Now no list is full-proof (except the Ten Commandments) and there can be some exceptions as we are ALL Human After All...

1.You have a potty mouth – All of my sisters (except Tiffany and Esha) have tongues like sailors and I don't mind. If your girl drops a f-bomb while playing Wii with you or arguing about her San Diego Chargers it's all good, Bruh. You need a woman with a little edge to her, right?


2.Sex on the first date – As I said above, if you've been talking or known her a long time and there is an immediate spark, hey, do ya thang! You MAY be that charming and irresistible. Just because you guys charmed one another and have a certain (As Amalia would say) “Chemistry” doesn't mean that she is a skank. And lets not be a hypocrite, fellas, how many girls have you WANTED to bag and succeeded on the first date?

Well, I have to mix-in at this party that I am so rudely blogging from. Part II will be up on Tuesday. I have brunch plan tomorrow in the French-Speaking Region of Cuba and some peace-keeping mission there on Monday before the Redskins punish the Eagles. ;O) Thanks for reading and, although he's not around, The Great Gazoo sends his best! Be Peace, Love God, God Bless, and Stay Groovy... at ALL TIMES.

Yours,
The Hedonnist "and Gazoo, Dum-dums!"
www.twitter.com/just_kristien
patrickristien@gmail.com

BTW - Shout out to my girl Kalina! Check out her Blogger Blog = enter.resting  ... GOOD SHIT!

Sunday, November 7, 2010

So I Didn't Go To Church Today (He Who Is Without Sin)


Well, the weekend is just about done and another work-week is upon us. I make it a point to never write unless I have something to say or something's weighting on my mind but today's different. There's nothing really on the tube to watch this morning. I mean, can you believe it? Most of us are paying nearly 150 bucks for Comcast or Verizon (if you get the triple package) and there's never a damn thing on worth watching besides Dexter, Boardwalk Empire, or Family Guy – what kind of fuckery is that? **smh** Thank Heaven for authors such as Anne Rice, musicians such as Sara Vaughn and Depeche Mode, and the time-tested concoction, that is adored by many throughout the planet, Champagne and Orange Juice a.k.a. Mimosa. It's been a groovy weekend, even though I didn't have any dates, so I'm using Moet and Simply Juice instead of Andre' and Safeway Brand OJ. Since I'm thinking about it, a shout out goes to my Indian Mommy who ditched me on Friday night and then IM'd me on Sat to talk junk. I'd like to send a big-up to my long-time friend (from JUNIOR HIGH!!) and fellow Liberace, Kurmit – Happy Birthday Playboy. I also think congrats are in order to a Ms. Cynthia M. Hastings who is supposedly having a baby sometime today, though her Tagged, Facebook, and Myspace Accounts say nothing of this life-changing experience. **sighing** I guess that we will have to wait for the pictures to be posted, huh, girls (ref: my sisters Mookie, Sharon, and Mia)?

Cindy, I'm not the wisest cat walking the planet, nor do I claim to be a saint. Actually, I'm the father of all scoundrels but I left the rigmarole and attention getting antics in the past years ago, Love. Aren't you far too old (37 to be exact) to be making such blasted jokes woman? If one true thing ever came out of your mouth it would die of loneliness, baby. But he who is without sin and all that, right? ...I'll let YOU tell it.


So with I've been doing some life-maintenance/closet-cleaning over the past several... hold up! I just glanced up at the television and the chick, the lead singer of the rock group Divinyls, is FINE!!! I wonder how she is looking these days and is she in need of a good... uh, a good man? Yeah, is she in need of a good man. **laughing** So where were we? Okay, I've been getting down to some ole' nitty-gritty, clean-out-your-closet shit over the past several days. But, for the life of me, I can't seem to get these phonies completely swept out of my closet. I know, you're saying, “Well, Kristien, why don't you just cut them off completely?” ...it's not that easy. It's difficult because these people ARE PHONY and you never know if they're turning a new leaf or bullshitting you once again. Example: I have this one female friend that seems to think that I'm a rest-haven when she is lonely, down, and on her last leg. Trust me, I'm the most caring, empathetic, and giving person you'll EVER encounter. I've been through an amalgamation of trials, tribulations, heartache, and pain – anyone who knows The Hedonist can attest to my statement. But I show my face when things are groovy AND when my life's in the shitter so that my peeps will always see Kristien raw and uncut. In addition, my friend continues to make many of the same mistakes with her personal demons, dating losers, and life mismanagement. Madness like this puts me in a bad space because I haven't the slightest idea how to feel about this person most days. There are times that I want to say, “_ _ _ _ _, if you're lonely it's your fault because you CHOOSE to fall in love with losers and miscreants. What do you want me to do? Besides, a person with your particular demons should steer clear of those kinda folk. Do you need to be with someone THAT BAD?”, but that's not me. I'm not one to leave a friend on the curb under most circumstances. Don't get me wrong now, gang, I have a few shady characters in my life that I consider friends (Tracey … SIKE!!! *laughing* You know I love you, Honey)... but I'm not dating them and giving them shelter when they decide to come around. People, places, and THINGS, _ _ _ _ _! But who am I to be speaking on such insanely, self-destructive behavior. I like to drink, eat lamb, and date pretty chicks from Argentina... nothing good could come from such vices. But he who is without sin yada-yada-yada and all that sorta shit, right?


Random Rant: If you think Culture Club isn't one of the greatest bands of all-time you're a freaking fool. George O'Dowd has one of the most distinctive and soulful voices in music and the guitarist/pianist Jon is a musical genius. Don't sleep, gang, don't sleep...


Another Random Rant: I don't want to come off as an angry cat (I'm quite the opposite) but I hate phony peeps in my life – especially the broads who can't seem to get their mind's straight and shit in order (see farther below).


Now I LOVE hip-hop music but I was never IN-LOVE with hip-hop music, kinda like the Junior Whopper with Cheese and Oral Sex, so this is why I'm not all that saddened with the current state of hip-hop music. I mean if I'm not getting anything good I have the patience to wait shit out. Me, Personally, I don't particularly care for Nicki Menage and Drake – you can give me Slum Village, Public Enemy, Biggie, and MC Lyte any day over those clowns. Here's the problem as I see it: The content of the shit that they are spitting is based-on negativity and facades, and the production isn't original. I mean, tell me, what does Nicki Menage REALLY flow (if you want to call it that) about? And do you REALLY think she'll become the next MC Lyte, Lil' Kim, L-Boogie, or Queen Latifah? If we're being honest with one another, Nicki Menage isn't even Bahamadia!!! As for Drake, the kid can rhyme like nobody's business but he has no quality production and his music hasn't any focus whatsoever. There's only one person in history to ever pull the whole rapping/singing thing off and that's Lauryn Hill, and it's because L-Boogie could rip a mic and really sing... not sing but SANG. Don't get me wrong, I'm not just talking about Drake and Nicki, I'm talking about 90 Percent of the stuff that's being played today on 93.9 and 95.5. Maybe I'm showing my age. Maybe I'm losing my once well-developed ear for music. Who knows? But I still have Common Sense, Souls of Mischief, and GangStarr in heavy rotation and will keep them there until something new and exciting comes along which, to my chagrin, maybe never.


Random Rant: I have some rather amusing thoughts on a certain football players sexuality but who am I to judge how another cat gets it (or receives it). The Hedonist will file that one for a later blog. I have some ideas for a two-part chumpy that may ruffle some feathers.


Side note: As always, nothing that I say is intended maliciously nor to hurt any of my readers feelings. But if you don't like what I've said email me or, better yet, stop reading my blog!!!

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Due to ongoing research, the third and final part of my interracial dating series is on hold for about another week. One thing I did notice, while perusing several social-networking sites, is that the Caucasian women, in the more rural areas and outlying suburbs, have the most awful taste in selecting a Black Man. I've touched on this (actually did a whole blog on it) on Facebook but you would have to be one of my friends to see it. But, basically, I was saying how it befuddles me that these women get hooked-up with these “thugs”, wanna-be rappers, and weed dealers only to ruin their lives. You check their pages and they have two or three amazing looking (albeit usually dirty) kids and the loser that they had the kid by is nowhere in sight! WTF kind of madness is going on these days, people? My thoughts are extensive and will be expanded upon in Part Three of the IR Dating Blog but I basically chalk it up to these girls having a major identity crisis and ignorance. So going on a year ago a good friend of mine said to me,


Kris, I only consider and date white girls that ENJOY being white, Playboy”


Huh? What do you mean by that, Big Man?”


Man, I don't want a white chick who has every album Lil' Wayne and Slim Thug ever made and wears Apple Bottoms. I want a white girl who is proud of being white and doesn't want to conform to what she thinks Black Folk like... I don't want a wigger”


I can dig it, Nick... I just ran into one who does all of that and is in love with Air Force Ones [Sneakers].”


[Nick laughing] You might as well have a hood rat then because that's gonna be her mentality and you won't be able to talk any sense into her... watch and see, Playboy”


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You know Nick was onto something, guys? I mean, think about it, why would I want to date a Caucasian chick who has a better command of Ebonics than Young Jeezy and applies it in her everyday life? I have had the fortune to have met only women with good heads on their shoulders and are comfortable with who they are as a person – People who enjoy things and experiences from ALL CULTURES. But who am I to judge another person's speech and style of dress, and berate their ongoing erroneous thinking. Once again... he who is without sin, I guess. :-/ Anyway, as I said, I will expand more in another blog, in about a week, after my research is completed.

Now it's that dreaded time that I have to get out of bed, figure-out lunch, and get back into bed. Maybe I make it church next weekend. Who knows? It's been groovy so STAY groovy, my little hedonist! Smile and Take Care! Godspeed!!!


Forever Yours,


The Hedonist

www.twitter.com/just_kristien

patrickristien@gmail.com

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Back Under Construction (Part Two): It's All Gucci

(My longtime friend and one of my favorite women in the world. Trouble Bear!!)
(The Queen of Binghamton)
(My BOSSY sister and sometime Muse. Sharon)
The Hedonist is at a crossroads of sorts during this ongoing period of reflection and introspection. I've been known as a procrastinator at various times throughout my 30 plus years but I don't like last-minute situations. I know, that's a freaking oxymoron, huh? Go figure. With the two previous statements being said, I have decided to not wait until New Years Day to make changes in my life – changes of People, places, and things that are not contributing to my health and happiness. I've learned a lot about myself this past year, some of which is good and some things that are not so flattering. But the beauty of learning shit about myself through introspection and reflection is that I HAVE THE POWER to use the information that I've gathered to make my little world a better place. I can shape and mold ME into a new and improved human-being so I can be happier and healthier, and that's the blessing.
(My older sister. Tiffany)
SIDE NOTE: I was gonna touch a little more on Heidi the Heavyweight Hacker but decided better, Friends. Let sleeping dogs lie and move on is the superior train-of-thought, right? Triple H isn't even worth a paragraph in this blog even though I KNOW her and her crows are reading this along with you guys,,, TRUST ME she is. **laughing** BUT, Heidi, if you jump out there ever again the next blog about you will be something to behold.
(The Chinatown Society - Now Defunct)
The logic behind “People, places, and things” goes something like this: You can't change or progress as a human being, in a positive direction, if you continue to hang around all of the people, places, and things that have been stagnating your development, success, and growth. e.g. You can't move-on into a healthy, loving and romantic relationship unless you drop that cheating, lying, loser chick that you keep running back to every other month, got it? You can't get your sex-stamina up and in full effect unless you put down those cigarettes and start drinking more water (Hey, I'm a hedonist and make no apologies, gang). You won't kick that drinking and weed problem if you keep partying with those same cats from the Strip Club, we clear? So I am taking this ideology to heart and applying this to all aspects of my life in order to become a better Kristien (not to mention elevate an already stellar love-making game! J/K … sorta. Hey, it's all Gucci!).
FRIENDS
(My wonderful sister and my sister from another Momma! Tre and Momma Mia.)
I have to admit that I sort of got caught-up in the whole Facebook Craze thing. Even though I'm not like some folk that I know; I don't have 2169 friends on my list but I think the 300 plus I have is excessive. Most of those jokers didn't even LIKE ME in high school as I wasn't the coolest or the most macho guy so why are these folks my friends now? I understand that we've grown and things change but, in a lot of instances, I see the same shit on Facebook that I saw in high school and college: Cliches and "in" crowds have formed on Facebook but I guess some things never change. I don't want to draw the whole Facebook thing out because it's... well, it's Facebook. Who gives a damn really? What I am saying I am, starting tonight, cutting-out all of the "filler" on my FB Page. Only the ones that ARE down and who have been consistently down. And I can see that my 300 plus list is gonna get down to about 150 or so because I hate trying to keep up – this goes for “Family” too. Check it: Just because a cat is REALATED to you doesn't make them your family.
(Uncle Rodney, The Hedonist, and Frankie Baby)
I have found that I have had maybe nine real and true friends in my lifetime and that makes me blessed. As a matter of fact, I was on Skype last evening with dear friend for a few hours that I have haven't spoken with in quite a while. The conversation was fluid, real, jovial, and silly all at the same time. I love my friend deeply and dearly, and I can't wait to see you again... you're the tops in my book, M&M! It's ALL Gucci with you and I, Chica. ;O) On from the mushy stuff now. All that I want to say that if some of you don't hear from me for a prolonged period of time it's nothing personal. I am just tired of inconsistent “friends” running in and out of my life. I have a beautiful lady friend (and she is JUST a friend... 95 percent of the time) who makes me wonderful meals, plows me with wine, takes me out for my birthday, and all sorts of shit. And yet, she will only call, IM, email, or text me unless I text her first. She's on my Twitter and FB, and she has my number but she never calls. But she'll complains to high hell that I never invite her to my family functions or, out to Happy Hour, or over to the crib **wink-wink**. Yet, whenever I DO INVITE her to a function it's always she "has a date" or "not in her plans" or something like that. Go Figure. But I would never delete her or ex her out of my life as she's proven time and again that she's good folk. On the other hand, MK had better get her shit together before I do delete her!! **laughing** Then there's all of the fly-by-night jokers along the way who've come into my life this year that vex me to no end. One person, in particular, totally annoys me. Now I've kinda figured you out thanks to several mutual friends and things you have said yourself compounded with your “online behavior. You kinda just do the internet “hook-up” thing until you think that you have found love or something leading to it. I don't think I desire to involved in such a circus. Do what you do, Playgirl... it's all Gucci!
(Me and Chelly)
FAMILY
Sharon, I love you very much, short stuff. You get on my nerves with that “not answering the phone shit” when you JUST told me to call you but, say it with me, … it's all Gucci. **laughing** We kick the realest, raw-dog shit that any two siblings can kick in (usually) a three-hour phone conversation. We both have our ways but what can ya do?!? **laughing** Tre (Monique), you know the deal pickles?!? I KNOW you don't answer the damn phone. I just come home, turn my key, and walk-in (then walk Buddy). **laughing** We love one another to a fault and it's always been that way … fucking remarkable. Keisha Blackson, Go-Go, ANGEL WARNER, Tiffany Smith, Kai, Cydnee, Amina, Cheryl G., Brian (Malik), Kurmit, Tony, Da Cousins (Rick an Micki), Frankie, BJ, Tony Johnson, Esha, India, Gabzilla, Bubbe, E-Boogz, Katie, Debbie, Veda, FRANKIE BABY and Firecracker are mainstays and will never go anywhere. If you're not named it's probably for a reason but then I can't remember everyone. I am saying the above named family are the family I KNOW who'll go-to-bat for me and have consistently shown this throughout the years and to this very day. A phony relative is 1,000 times worst than a back-stabbing friend, and that I DO NOT NEED. Please remember: Just because I am cutting you off doesn't mean I DON'T LOVE YOU; It only means that I DON'T NEED YOU IN MY LIFE, that's all... but it's all Gucci. ;O)
(The Hedonist)
LOVE
(Lounging...)
I'm just gonna let love come and not pursue it in an over-aggressive manner. I don't like the “dating” thing when it's done in multiples. Meaning, I don't like to date several people at the same time – I like to focus my energies onto one person (see my interracial/ dating blogs below). I can say that I the one I would marry, in a heartbeat, doesn't live in my state. I also have a friend in DC that I truly enjoy but she just won't get her act together to save BOTH of our lives. Perhaps I should have called-out that one snow day but I'm dedicated to my work. Laughing So I am just going to play things by ear. Also, I have become very selective in who I intimately spend my time with as of late which is said to be a sign of wisdom. It seems that love was so much easier from '93-'96 … much, much easier. (R.I.P. Adrienne.) **sighing** Anyway, what I am saying is that I am not gonna waste my time texting, chatting, going to North Bumfuck to meet anyone who isn't willing to do the same for me – that's chasing Fools Gold not Love. But, hey, it's all Gucci!! <3>
(The Hedonist @ Work)
Well, this was just somewhat of a mini-blog to hold you guys over until Friday when I drop my final manifesto on interracial dating and sex. I hope you are all well and have a wonderful work-week! Stay Groovy and God Bless, my little hedonists! I'm off to start my life-changes while downloading some music. Hit me up via email, FB, or Twitter if you feeling the need.
All the Best,
The Hedonist