Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Who's that peeking in my window? Part II (Fellas it's YOUR turn!)

Me and Sis buggin' out...

So I'm up waaaay too late conversing with various folk and not having a good night. For starters, I didn't pick-up that bottle of sauvignon blanc on the way in this evening. I got caught up doing some things for trip I was supposed to be taking next week but folks are starting to act shady and play games so I think I will get my money back once I finally get up and start my day.  I can use that dough for the festivities here in Chocolate City or ride up to Charm City and flex there.  I also didn't prepare enough food and now I'm hungry again. Any of you guys ever do that ... the sh*t sucks, doesn't it? 
But what made me open my page and start writing was something petty but not initiated by The Kid.  In a nutshell, I was called a chump by some chick (I actually spoke on her in a recent blog) who has several traits of the women in an earlier post (  ). I've fired my initial warning shot and she still hasn't gotten the idea or, and this wouldn't behoove her, she thinks I'm fooling around when I said I would light her up in a full expose with pictures and all.  Well, I started writing my blog titled "The French Connection" a week ago -- all that needs to be done is some minor tweaks and photo insertions and it'll be up for you guy to peruse and enjoy.  *sighing* I'm straying too far off of the point. After my various conversations I started to reflect back on my dealings and interactions with women throughout my 30 plus years.  I am pretty well versed on what attracts a woman but what are some of the turn-offs chicks look for and do I exhibit some of these characteristics?
Have you ever wondered if the way you act makes chicks cringe? Have you ever worried that your behavior might be making them run in the other direction?

Just as women are attracted to certain archetypal men, there are other types of men that women go out of their way to avoid. And this is especially true during the early stages of a relationship, when a woman is trying to gauge a man's personality.

Below I hit you off with eight types of guys that women consistently stay away from. I have compiled this list from conversations I've had with numerous women (sisters, cousins, friends, “friends”, my jump-offs, co-workers, and happy hour bar-flies) regarding the behaviors they dislike in men.

But don't worry if you recognize some of the following traits in yourself -- most of them aren't deal-breakers. The idea here is not to change your personality, but rather to keep certain female-unfriendly behaviors in check. Read on to find out what women dislike, so you'll be able to make a better impression next time around.

At Norm's Christmas Party! 

1. The Needy Guy (this is number one for a REASON!)
He is overly emotional and shares all his feelings with her right away. The Needy Guy also doubts himself and needs constant reassurance about his relationship, work and friendships.

Why he is so unappealing: Confidence and independence are very sexy traits in a man -- insecurity and dependence are not. Most women look for a strong partner they can lean on. So if you are always leaning on her -- especially in the early stages of a relationship -- she might doubt your ability to do this. And since women tend to come into relationships with all sorts of insecurities (and their own bullshit), she won't want to deal with yours as well as her own.

What to do if you're that guy: Timing is everything, so you just need to keep your feelings in check at the beginning of the relationship. Try to hold off on sharing all your feelings or divulging your insecurities. Basically stated: Lay-low on the mushy in-touch-with-myself-bullshit, Homeslice. Once you are far enough along in the relationship, you can share as much as you want. By that point, she'll appreciate knowing what's on your mind.

2. The Predictable Guy

Women don't like a predictable cat because they know exactly how he'll react to everything. He follows formulas and never wants to do anything differently. For example, he'd never surprise a woman by spontaneously taking her out for the night. Or, he's not gonna, out-of-the-blue, try to get busy on the bathroom floor or ladies bathroom at Clyde's.
Why he is so unappealing: Women look for a certain amount of unpredictability in a man -- they want a free spirit. This is why some women seem to be drawn to the notorious "bad boy." It's not that they are drawn to his badness exactly, but rather to his unpredictability.

How to avoid being predictable, arrogant, boorish, and more..

What to do if you're that guy: You don't have to be a “gangsta” or a completely free spirit to win her over. But try to mix things up -- particularly at the beginning of a relationship. Call her and tell her you want to go to the countryside for the day, or for an impromptu meal. After she gets to know you, she won't mind as much if you slip back into your routine a bit. But don't forget to continue to surprise her once in a while -- doing so will keep the relationship fresh.
Dig the fly Thomas Pink Shirt! Y'all ain't hardly ready. ;O)

3. The Arrogant Guy

He has a huge ego and he's condescending. He is also rude -- not necessarily to her, but to anyone he perceives as beneath him. And that's just as bad as being rude directly to her.
Why he is so unappealing: A woman often looks at how a man treats other people to assess his personality. So even though you might be nice to her on a date, she'll be paying attention to how you act with other people too.
What to do if you're that guy: No woman wants to be talked down to, so I shouldn't have to tell you to shed the ego when you are dealing with her directly. But in order to really impress her, you need to treat everyone around you with a certain amount of respect -- because she'll be watching.
4. The Boorish Guy
The Boorish Guy doesn't try to hide the fact that he's 
checking out other broads while in her presence; he flirts with the waitress and he even goes as far as to brag about his past conquests. Overall, he lacks respect for women.
Why he is so unappealing: Not only is this type of behavior infuriating, it can also be bad for a woman's self-esteem(a lot of women have this though they won't tell BS). If you act like this when you are first getting to know a woman, you won't stand a chance.
What to do if you're that guy: If you can't curb this kind of behavior permanently, then you at least have to keep it in check when making a first impression. Keep your flirting and wandering eyes at bay -- and maybe eventually it'll become a habit. Because, truthfully, if you introduce this kind of behavior into a relationship at any point, she won't be pleased.

I'm revamping this... see future blogs for updated version.

5. The Cheap Guy (this should be higher)

He invites a woman to dinner and then subtly suggests they go Dutch which is not smooth and a definite no-no. He never splurges to buy her flowers and he always opts for the cheapest wine. He makes her feel like they're on a tight budget from the very first date.
Why he is so unappealing: Your first few dates should always be carefree (but don't let the broad milk you either, YOU are the one doing the pimping, remember?); the words "saving" and "budget" shouldn't come up. If she spends the first date picturing a lifetime of penny-pinching with you, you're out of luck and a potential girlfriend.
What to do if you're that guy: Loosen up the purse strings a little when you're courting a woman. You don't need to spend a fortune to make a good impression (especially if she's from the 'hood), but you do need to make her feel like she's special. Flowers are a nice touch once in a while.

Don't argue all the time, act holier-than-thou or talk trash about women if you want a second date..

6. The Arguer

This type of guy turns every conversation into an argument. When he takes a woman out, he makes her feel like she's in debate class rather than on a date. And in doing so, he makes her feel defensive and self-conscious.
Why he is so unappealing: A date should be a pleasant experience, but if she's on the defensive the whole time, she will not be enjoying herself. Remember this: Constant arguing and debating is a stress -- and you certainly don't want her to associate you with a stressful experience.
What to do if you're that guy: Most importantly, relax. If you are this type of guy, you probably revert to debating because you are nervous or unsure of what to say. So before the date, brainstorm conversation topics and questions you can ask her. That way, you won't be as likely to revert to arguing during lulls in the conversation.

7. The Self-Righteous Guy

This guy is very judgmental of others. He probably doesn't drink or smoke, and he doesn't hesitate to tell others to follow suit. From the very first date, he'll preach to a woman, telling her she shouldn't drink wine or get dessert.

Why he is so unappealing: No one wants to be judged, especially on a date. She'll just find it annoying and rude.

What to do if you're that guy: You can preach a little once you are actually in a relationship. But until that point, her drinking, smoking and dessert-eating habits are none of your business.

8. The Misogynist

This guy makes no secret of his bitterness toward women. On a date, he can't help but exude negativity toward his companion and the entire female gender by making rude and insulting comments.

Why he is so unappealing: This is the only type of behavior on this list that is, in fact, a total deal-breaker. And it's not surprising. What woman do you know that would like to be in a relationship with a man like this?

What to do if you're that guy: You need to reconsider your attitude if you are this type of guy. This type of behavior is not only rude and nasty, it is often the last straw in breaking up a relationship.

This is sooooo very true ... every man needs a curvy lady in the winter months. 

Be The Amazing Guy

Don't stress out too much if you see yourself on the list above. But do remember this: These are behaviors that women look out for at the beginning of a relationship … real talk. So if you want to put your best foot forward and make a good impression, study the list and make sure to keep these female-unfriendly behaviors to a minimum. In closing, everyone have a groovy and peaceful holiday. Shouts to my counterpart out west Kalina – check her blog out too, I'm sure you'll dig it! I gotta blast-off now, guys ... a proper hedonist never sleeps, as sleep is the cousin of death. Oooow! Stay Groovy, Be Peace, Happy Holidays, and God Bless!

Your Old Pal,

The Hedonist