Sunday, December 26, 2010

So I Didn't Go To Church Today (YOUR Questions)

I love dominoes even though I am not that good ... well, not as good as my sister TRE!

And so it begins, cadets... the countdown to a new year; it's all downhill from here. I trust and hope that everyone had a wonderful Christmas Day. I went head-to-head in an epic battle with a MASSIVE Christmas plate my sister, Tre, prepared for me and I didn't fare very well. I ended up taking a "break" and that "break" turned into a nap in which I found myself awakening at 3:41am with everyone asleep. WTF? Sighing Anywho, I had to call Meesh (a.k.a Mrs. Claus) back as I promised I would right before my “break/nap” and I caught up with Debz and we visited for sometime. Meesh, said she needed some sleep since she has to get up early and hit Best Buy to pick-up my Onlive System (right, Mrs. Claus! ;-D) and Little Man a new cell phone. Hold up, you cats don't know the cats I'm speaking of, at least not yet.

I'm rambling, and I guess that comes from lack of sleep, but I'm gonna finish, heat up my plate, and then crash. Besides, I'm illegally downloading some Damien Marley, Kanye, and Beats International albums and that's taking some time. I was gonna initially drop something on the fellas about navigating and maintaining a relationship when the ex-dude is lurking or cool with her family but decided against it. I can give that one to you tomorrow or Tuesday. No, I decided to clean-out or, better yet, address the emails I get from my readers. It's funny and, at the same time, a pleasant surprise to see how many people actually read my sh*t – BUT DON'T SUBSCRIBE! :-/ But it's cool, I appreciate any readership I can get so thanks! Anyway, back to the emails. I decided that if I get enough emails by the last Sunday of the month I will post them for the masses and answer your questions publicly. How groovy is THAT! I know, right? <3 ;O)

If I haven't said it in previous installments I will here. I am not a therapist, just a cat with some free time on weekends who writes sh*t that's sometimes amusing but always real, raw, and uncut like a male porn star from the Caribbean. Hey, don't worry, I will change names since some of you know one another personally. Lets see what my little hedonists are sending me...

Mitch's Question:

Hey Pat,

I like this woman who does the unpredictability thing on me. I mean, she never gives me a concrete answer about herself. She doesn't say specifically where and when she's going to be somewhere. It leaves me kind of flabbergasted. What can I do to regain control?


The Hedonist Responds:

Hey Mitch,

Guess what. When a chick is "flaky," it always means one of two things.

The first is that she's simply not feeling it for you. If this is the case, you need to get a grip and move on, she'll turn out to be a skank anyway. I, personally know, two broads like that... they're not even WORTH a paragraph.

In the second case, she's testing you.

These things she's doing are classic examples of how 
women work men, trying to see how much control they have in a relationship and how strong you are.

Women can do this by running hot and cold. They may wait to call you back (or not at all). They might flake out on plans. No matter what, they'll probably ask tons of questions without revealing much about themselves.

The killer paradox is that if you comply with what a woman seems to want, then you automatically fail her test. I once read a great book called 
The Way of the Superior Man that points out that when a woman asks a man for something and he gives in without resistance, she just becomes disappointed and angry with him.

It all boils down to the fact that attractive women have a lot of choices and options, so they test a cat to figure out quickly whether he's worth investing time in.

If their tests reveal that a guy is a 
lame and pushover, there's a good chance that he won't get enough time with her for another chance. In the fast-paced world of an in-demand woman, she doesn't have time to spend getting to know you or trying to figure out whether or not you're the kind of person that would eventually make a great mate.

So, Mitch, how do you deal with this?

I recommend that you give her a small taste of what she wants, then pull back, leaving her hungry for more. Then take back even more power by not calling her back. When she starts asking questions, tell her she's boring you and that you'll answer one or two, but she's going to have to earn the rest. And if she flakes out or bullshits on plans, just act like you don't even notice.

Above all, have a life of your own, regardless of what she does, and you'll not only pass all her tests but won't care whether you do or not, and that's what being a real smooth operator is about. Big Dick Style or Bust, Mitch.

That's the 
ultimate key to success with all women. So make it happen, Playa-Playa.

This is how it's done, Chumps! 

Tony's Question:

Mr. Patric,

I have a question.

In this day and age of dating, I feel like e-mails and texts are a godsend. But in terms of meeting women online, is there such a thing as writing/texting too much? Could my long e-mails/text messages blow my chances when dating?


The Hedonist Responds:

Okay, Tony Listen up.

Even in this  day and age of convenient, risk-free texting and emailing, the same 
rules still apply. In fact, in some ways, they're even more important.

Here's why:

Since a guy can text/IM a woman any time without fear of personal, face-to-face rejection, rejection is inevitable. Guys will chase  women a lot more with constant virtual contact than they would with a call or visit. And then, when this kind of guy text/IM a woman and doesn't get the kind of response he wants, he'll chase even harder.

Then, the more the girl tries to tune him out or block him online, he'll get even more desperate. He'll try even harder. And then he'll come across as an even bigger 
bama (or worse, a creep) than if he were just trying to get her number face to face in the first place.

Do the math about how all this will turn out, and you’ll realize why it totally blows my mind how a joker will send email after email to a woman and get keep getting blown off instead of understanding that it's his own behavior that's turning women off of  him. Still, he just keeps doing it -- usually even increasing it.

How do I know this so well, Tony?

Because, my friend, I used to be a big-time online bama/coward, too. It was just far too easy to hide behind a screen and keyboard and make these mistakes on an epic scale. And now, of course, when I think back at it (and at other situations in my life where I behaved like this and caused a woman to lose 
her attraction for me), I just slap my head and say: "Duh!"

But that's OK. For whatever reason, it just wasn't obvious to me in the moment, and I think that most other guys have to go through it, too, until they realize this critical insight.

Everything I'm kicking to you is designed to prevent men from having to suffer the failure, embarrassment and humiliation that I did before I learned from the naturals what really works with chicks. And I wish every man could learn the basics about what it takes to create that magical feeling called "attraction" so they never have to suffer my many deaths.

But in the meantime, here's what I'll tell you, James. You've got to be just as careful online (if not more so) to make sure you come across to women as confident and in-control, or you'll blow it every time, guaranteed.

Poor Jose's Question:

Mrs. Clause!

Dear Hedonist, 

A few months back, I was attracted to a 
beautiful girl and developed strong feelings for her. I managed to get her friendship and admitted to her that she was “the one.” We are in different cities now, and it’s about five months since she left me. She stopped receiving my calls and replying my texts and mails. I tried to move on and forget her, but I can’t end this obsession. So I’m planning to go her city, meet her at college and get a final answer.

Your insight regarding my particular case?


The Hedonist Responds:

What was that, Jose? Did I understand you correctly?

You admitted to a woman that she was "the one." Then she moved, stopped taking your calls and answering your emails and replying to your texts. And now you're thinking of chasing her to some other city to make a last-ditch plea?

Congratulations, Jose. You've won my coveted Bama of the Year award, hands down. There's a shiny verbal beat down waiting for you at the door.

Seriously, short answer: Don't do it, my friend. Understand that you blew it by making every bama-ass mistake possible with this girl and get on with your life. Do yourself the favor of meeting as many new woman as possible and, later on, you'll send me an email about your success with broads that wins you my coveted Real Man of the Year award instead.

Now get on it.
I think that I may have to follow-up with you, Jose... really.

Hey...I'm a Hedonist!!!!! ;O)

So, it's light outside, I'm tired, and I've nothing further. I may have me a curvy brunette come and get snowed-in with me.  Shit, I have food, sodas, Ciroc, brewski's, and cable. Who can turn that down? Keep the emails coming! Stay groovy, God Bless, and Be Peace!

Your Old Pal,

The Hedonist