Friday, December 10, 2010

Dating Stereotypes 3.5 (The Woman's List)


I AM SAVING NOW FOR HEDONISM III IN JULY 2011!! NO SHIT...
So I'm way up past my bedtime (and this insomnia is kicking my ass), watching fine-ass Ali Larter (Google her) in the movie “Obsession”, and I get the urge to post something. Now this list is by no means scientific and is, for the most part, a bunch of stereotypes and miscellaneous perceptions from various women of various ages, races, and backgrounds.  Actually, if we're really talking, it's just something to get us all over until I can drop another bomb for the masses... a filler-blog but a blog all the same. Now let me get back to the new love of my life. Ali Larter ... I'm coming baby!

IT DOESN'T GET MUCH BETTER THAN ALI! YUM-MAY!


11 Types of Men:

1. MR. THUG LIFE
Advantages 
a. Real good at making love (so you all say) b. Fun and exciting c. Makes you laugh d. Has your back, will fight and protect you. 
Disadvantages 
a. Usually drinks and smokes too much b. Always got drama c. Stays a thug forever d. In and out of jail.


2. MR. NAW, I DON`T HAVE A GIRL
Advantages 
a. Will take you out in the beginning b. Will introduce you to all his friends c. Compliments you all the time. 


Disadvantages 
a. Has a girlfriend who he`s been with since the 2nd grade b. Will not get rid of her c. He tells you about her after you`ve fallen in love with his *bleep*

3. MR. BIG BALLA
Advantages 
a. Will give you money with no questions asked b. Has a lot of style to him c. Will show you some of the nice things in life 

 Disadvantages 
a. Never returns your texts b. Feels he can come to your house at any given time without calling first c. Loves to be around his boys more than you.

4. MR. I`M IN THE INDUSTRY - 
Advantages 
a. Can get you and your friends on the guest list at all the jumping parties b. Can have a decent stimulating conversation c. Tends to dress nice. 

Disadvantages 
a. You don`t know if he`s gay, straight or bi b. Seems flighty when you speak of a solid commitment c. You still have to wait in line to get in all the jumping parties, then there`s drama at the door d. All he has is a bunch of pictures with celebrities but he does not know them personally

5. MR. INTELLECTUAL
Advantages 
a. Book smart b. Cares about how you feel c. Has a very good job 

Disadvantages 
a. Boring as hell b. Doesn`t know what the hell he`s doin in bed c. He is not street smart d. Always asking you when can he see you again

6. MR. GHETTO
Advantages 
a. The Bomb in bed (some say) b. Makes you laugh c. Got mad style and flava d. Has a temper, but generally a charming sweet guy e. Says he want a real relationship 

Disadvantages 
a. He got 3 or more baby mommy`s b. Wants to lay up in your crib, use the phone, and eat up all the food c. Is in denial when you tell him about himself d. Comes home at 3:00 am and says he was out with his boys

7. MR. I`M A RIGHTEOUS BLACK MAN
Advantages 
a. Will teach you about black history b. Revolutionary c. Inspiring & gives to you spiritually & emotionally d. Wants a wife and family 

Disadvantages 
a. Breaks up with you for a white girl (a FINE one at that!) b. Doesn`t have a job c. Doesn`t own a nice suit, always wearing camouflage d. In the end, you find out he is just a trifling, con motha****a

8. MR. TOO DAMN GOOD
Advantages 
a. Will introduce you to his mother b. Has a job and will take you out c. Will give you money for your bills d. Sometimes he goes to church on Sunday. 

Disadvantages 
a. Secretly wants to be Mr. Thug Life b. Wears fake Movado & Rolex watches when he goes to the club c. Ignores you when the game is on d. You find out after you break up with him that he was cheating on you... with a chick from Brasil.

9. MR. PLAYA
Advantages 
a. Will tell you that you`re not the only one b. Sometimes he`s fairly decent in bed c. He tells you that you`ve changed him and he`s ready to settle down d. Has his own apartment and car (invites you to move in with him). 

Disadvantages 
a. He doesn`t acknowledge you in public, especially if there`s women around b. Generally he is a punk (won`t stand up for anything) c. He expects you to believe all his bull. d. After you catch his lying-ass, he tells you that he told you that he was a playa in the beginning anyway.

10. MR. I HAVE A JOB
Advantages 
a. Of course.... he has a job b. Doesn`t have too many bad habits c. Will take care of you when you`re sick d. Tells you that he is in love with you after the first week.

 Disadvantages 
a. You stay in the relationship 2 years or more and then find out he`s a shiftless, lazy son-of-a-***** who wants you to do all the wifely duties but won`t give you a ring b. He ends up telling you that he loves you, but is not "in love" with you c. After he leaves you he gets married a month later

11. MR. BEST FRIEND
Advantages 
a. He`s your best friend, you tell each other everything, you get along very well b. He gives you advice when you and your man are having problems c. The ultimate gentleman d. Sweet and caring with a good sense of humor. 

Disadvantages 
a. You end up hooking up with him only to find he ain`t about **** either! b. Now, you gotta find a new best friend because you can`t stand his *bleep*!

I'd like to hear your feedback on this one so I can compile a better, more concise, list.  Also, there's a female version of this list too but I'm too tired to post it. This chick I met from Baltimore, who works nights, is a combination of about six of  the items on the list... for real. I won't put you on blast, Des femmes cubaines, as I know someone would have to talk you down off of the ledge after I finish with you. Moving on, the list is just something to kick around and have fun with and should be treated as such.  

On a more serious note. I absolutely hate the Holiday Season for a number of reasons. Most importantly, it seems as if the people who've made it special for me through the years have passed-on. Momma (Aunt Honey), Daddy, Great-Grandma Ethel Foster, Mommy Vera, Adrienne Veney, Alice and Pop Walker. Don't get me wrong, my sister Tre (Mookie) ALWAYS makes a holiday of it and a good one at that. Christmas and Turkey Day the past couple of years have been outstanding thanks to Sis, Momma Mia, Vicki, and that whole Philly/NJ Crew. But I am missing the days of my father pulling me out of bed to help around the place in preparation of guest soon to visit. I miss helping Mommy (Vera) in the kitchen make a stuffing so good that I haven't tasted anything that comes close to this day. How can I forget Turkey Days with my deceased fiancee Adrienne? Good Times. I remember the day after our first Thanksgiving together watching a young Maryland Terps Basketball Team defeat, no upset, the Georgetown Hoya's while eating a brunch of deep-fried fish, onion and garlic potatoes, and mimosas'. I think I called-off from the hospital that whole weekend.  We had several more the those holiday gatherings before she passed-on to a much better place.

What I am getting at is even though they ARE this hard, the holidays SHOULDN'T BE, considering the size of my family. As I reflect back over the history of our holiday gatherings I notice a trend: The generation next in line never follows through with tradition when the matriarch or patriarch passes-on. Why? There can be a thousand reasons but here are a few that stand-out to me but that another blog...

Stay Groovy and God Bless,

The Hedonist

kpatric@live.com