Friday, September 24, 2010

The Tale of Bishop Fast Eddie Long and The MisEducation of The Black Church

Let me start this installment by saying, once again, that there is NO MALICE in any of my views or any of the things that I say. If you don't like what I am saying then you should probably change the channel, but, then again it's YOU who should be watching.

RANDOM RANT: Glee has to be the most ridiculous fucking show on television! Mediocre singing, awful acting, dumb plot-lines, average-looking actors and actresses. How did this shit get so popular? It's sure as hell is not FAME, a REAL MUSICAL DRAMA. You guys ought to be ashamed of your-damn-selves!

Before I get into talking about 'Ole Fast Eddie Long I want to touch on several things about the Black Church because it seems that some of you Negroes are losing your damn minds.

Bishop Eddie Long PICTURES

Lets begin by putting a few things out there, Gang, just to set the tone. First, amoral behavior in the Black Church has been around longer than we have been eating pork. I remember Prettyboy Rev. Bailey at the Baptist Church on Kansas Ave. NW. There were always rumblings of the "Da Rev." screwing one or two of the sisters in the Gospel Choir, and this rumor went on for a few years. The rumors finally came to a halt when-- on a very warm, July Communion Sunday-- Rev. Bailey gave us his apology from the pulpit for this "actions". I vividly remember thinking, "is this cat crying because he was screwing someone OTHER than Mrs. Bailey and he is remorseful or because he got caught with his hands in the cookie jar?" Now, I can run-off several other examples of elders in the church during that same era having extra-marital affairs-- Deacons, Trustees, Choir Directors and so forth were all doing the same shit.

I mean we have all heard of righteous jokers in the church stealing money and buying Buick's and Caddy's and trickin' up the cash. So why are we all in such a state of awe and bewilderment when we hear of corruption in the church? Many of our community's biggest hypocrites are in pews and pulpits all through Black America. Shocked? So you mean to tell me that I am the ONLY ONE who's heard the gay jokes about the Choir Director and the Male Organ Player/Pianist in church? I'm the only one who watches BET on Sunday Mornings and wonders about some those cats leading the choirs while dancing and singing? Wow. Get the hell outta here with that BS. I overhear folks saying, "Why don't they leave that man (Bishop Long) alone? Why keep talking about it?" You REALLY want an answer? 1) I will get to "that man" in a second. 2) Because it needs to be "put on blast" i.e. talked about at some length so the bullshit can "come to the light" as they say. I am sick of seeing you jokers with wives tricking at The Penthouse, Macombo Lounge, and down at Ozio's then act as if you're Job or John the Baptist at the Church BBQ. You Junior Deacons and Lead Tenors should cut that shit out; acting all prim and proper, jumping up and down, getting the Holy Ghost on Sunday-- all the while I JUST saw you out with "Dem Boys" in Dupont Circle. Look, I can dig the old adage that "everything ain't for everybody"... I know this. I just implore the hypocrites to be who you ARE 24 hours a day, not just 8 hours on Sunday. If you come out to your family, friends, and fellow worshipers and they can't understand or "forgive" you then you aren't the only hypocrite in the church, now are you?

As I stated before, there's a whole lot of rigmarole and hypocrisy going on in the Black Church. Yeah... I said it and you can kiss my ass if you don't like it. Folk had a lot of jokes and laughs all through the Catholic Church Scandal, huh? As I remember there was a nationwide outcry for justice and punishment. "How could a man of the cloth do this!?", they said. "Someone's gotta be held accountable!" you heard from the Southern Baptist Convention. Everyone was out for blood during those times. Well, well, well... it's no fun when the rabbit got the gun, is it, Bishop Fast Eddie Long? I guess that you and your flock wanna handle this in-house, huh? Not a chance, Fast Eddie and here's why: You are the SAME joker who preached to your flock and the masses that homosexuality is a sin and the transgressors should repent, ask for forgiveness, and change. Yet, Fast Eddie, you're SAME joker who's taking adolescents and young men on trips abroad to suck on their peckers. BISHOP FAST EDDIE LONG preaches for spiritual change in homosexuals; homosexuals should turn to God and seek the spirit of the Lord. But this is the same Good Bishop who takes little boys on shopping sprees and buys them vehicles just so he can screw them in the ass and kiss them in the mouth. Eddie Baby, you tell young boys they need a mentor and a father figure-- you tell them that they are your "Spiritual Sons", Bishop Fast Eddie! But you are taking pictures in spandex outfits, in front of the hot tub, looking like a Black Aquaman and sending the pictures to these young men! What the fuck? What Bishop does these things, Eddie? What are you a Superfriend and your church is the Justice League?

Since we are on your church, Bishop Fast Eddie, what is it all about? Either you're one of the greatest con men of ALL-TIME or Lithonia, Georgia (ATLANTA) has a plethora of idiots running about. How is your "flock" supposed to take you seriously after all of this fuckery that has transpired? Hold a second... let me back up. Eddie, you have absolutely no shame at all, do you? Not only do you drive a Bentley, you drive a drop-top Bentley. Bishop Fast Eddie, Jesus WALKED, and I am not talking about the Kanye West jam either. Perhaps it's just me (and I'm everyday folk) but I would find something horribly wrong with my "Bishop" pushing a $325,000 convertible while I struggle with kids, mortgage, and a car payment on an Acura or Nissan Altima. You mean to tell me this is where my Tithes and Plate Offerings are going, Fast Eddie?

What the fuck is wrong with you folk down there-- the ones who are DEFENDING THIS MAN (even though he has been in the closet). I'm not gonna say it's just you idiots in Atlanta, because you can go to several "Mega Churches" in D.C. (one in NORTHWEST in particular) where the "Bishop" AND his wife both drive S600 Mercedes. How is this justifiable, people? Oh, my bad, I forgot... your church has a bomb-ass Gospel Choir and a nice (read: expensive) daycare/pre-school, right? You got to be kidding me folks. The word is Eddie charges A FEE to shit in the front row of the church. Where has this been a common practice in Christianity or any other religion? I have been bamboozled all of my life, apparently, because I recall vividly Jesus saying something along the lines of "Come as you are". Church is supposed to be a first come, first serve thing, correct? On a deeper level, if Jesus, Muhammad, and Buddha didn't charge to sit in their presence, Eddie, how in the hell are YOU gonna put that stunt? We ALL knew that you damn sure weren't JESUS even before the knowledge of your sexual preference broke! Nevertheless, all of the fuckery is allowed to grow and gain strength because no one stands-up and says this is wrong. You mean to tell me that if I pay you $35 I will get a better spiritual word than the dude sitting in the Overflow Room or you are just a glory hound, Eddie? Bishop Eddie Long you are a disgrace to the Clergy, Black Men, Christians, and The Black Church. You are a narcissist, hypocrite, and no better than the homosexuals you have berated. You have said a various and immense amount of negative things about these people (homosexuals), yet you are off in Canada sucking on the penis of a young man you are SUPPOSED to mentor! So that's how you play the of religion now, huh, Eddie? Bishop Long, you're a cheap-spandex, wet wig wearing hypocrite-- a fraud and a predator. You should be ashamed of yourself for ABUSING your power to play with little boys buttholes!

Now I don't give a damn who's angry with me behind my latest rant. You say you don't agree with what I've said here? You all can go buy a wig and your own spandex, form a Conga Line, and kiss my ass. You're angry with the Old Boy behind this post? Oh, yeah? You ought to be angry with Bishop Fast Eddie Long who's screwing young boys, buying Bentleys, and "making it rain" with YOUR MONEY, Suckers. You should stop giving Da Peacher all of these bonuses and hold him and, one another, accountable for the poverty, teen pregnancy, drug abuse, and general fuckery in your community. Your church is suppose to extend FARTHER than just that block it's situated on. Here's an idea: Why don't Da Pastor and his wife trade in the $129,000 German Sedans(BOTH of them), get Toyota Camry's, and give the remaining money to various charities NOT affiliated with Greater Mount Jericho. You know why this will never happen? This sort of thing will never happen because it's too much like right, my friends. There are no more strong brothers and sisters in the Black Church in abundance. Mega Churches equal Mega Business, which in turn equal Mega Hypocrisy and Fuckery. Instead of making excuses for these so-called Bishops make them do right by their flock and community. Throw them in jail when they screw your young tenors and ushers in the ass. As I said, it's never any fun when the rabbit has the gun, and there will never be any two days that are the same. With that said, I pose a question to The Black Church: What do you have to say about Catholic Priest and Homosexuals now?

Be Peace and Stay Groovy!